


Today is a Gift

by BrushStrokeSun



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, American College, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-25 00:43:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 27,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6173255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrushStrokeSun/pseuds/BrushStrokeSun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan just wants to get through college: pass his classes and spend all his free time on Tumblr or re-reading his favorite five books. He has it all worked out so he can graduate in three years and move to Chicago and forget his hometown.<br/>When he decides to accompany a new friend to a pizza and video game night on his first day on campus, his plans get knocked aside in favor of a new group of friends who have enthusiasm and optimism to spare.<br/>Will Dan stick with his law degree and three-year plan? Or will he get sidetracked by the art galleries, games, parties, shows and other endless things he never knew college had to offer?</p><p>========</p><p>American College AU, inspired by this perfect piece of art! ===> http://sleepinginatincan.tumblr.com/post/137880185381/ive-been-obsessed-with-this-weird-college-au</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Guys I did so much editing!!! So if you've already read it you should totally read it again the whole way through cause it's better and also there's (SURPRISE) another chapter in the middle and also another chapter coming later todaaaaaay!   
> Lol I'm the worst cause I write out of order but thanks for sticking around! ^-^

“Bye guys,” Dan gave his Mom a half-hearted hug goodbye, and then another to his Dad.   
“We’ll text you when we get to the airport okay kiddo?” his Dad ruffled the top of his hair, just because he knew Dan hated it.   
“Yea, okay, have a safe flight.” Dan spoke, trying to flatten his hair back into place. He had spent thirty minutes on it this morning for Christ’s sake.   
“We love you Bear, so, so much!”   
“Mom…” Dan’s Mom squished him into one last very tight hug before turning and bustling out of the room before her son could see her tears.   
“Be good, yea? Don’t have too much fun,” Dan’s Dad laughed at his own joke, giving Dan’s hair another ruffle.   
“Dad!” Dan gave his father a push.   
“And don’t study too hard!” Dan avoided his Dad’s gaze, looking down at the scuffed hardwood floor. “Hey, buddy,” Dan finally glanced up. Everyone said that he had his Dad’s eyes, that he looked so much like his father. “I’m proud of you, yea?” His father clapped him on the shoulder. “You’re going to do amazing, pre law is going to take you places.” Dan looked away, nodding. “Call if you need anything!” and with that his Dad gave Dan’s shoulder a final squeeze and turned to leave the room.   
“Bye!” Dan closed the door behind his parents.  
And he was alone, finally alone, in a college dorm the size of a closet, on his own for the first time in, well, his entire life. He wasn’t scared. Not one bit. Because Dan-Fucking-Howell had worked his ass off to get into this college, because Dan-Fucking-Howell was more than ready to get through college, disappear to a foreign country, and get his family off his back. Dan-Fucking-Howell wasn’t nervous or worried at all. 

Well. Maybe he was. Just a little bit. But nothing his anxiety meds couldn’t fix right? Right. 

Dan willfully ignored the weird flip his stomach kept doing and unpacked his stuff. Clothes into the closet and the dresser drawers, worn-out books and dog-eared journals on the shelf above the bed, and laptop on his desk. He was just getting around to tacking his posters over the walls when someone knocked on his door.  
“Welcome to the Wellington dorm family!!” An extremely peppy guy with short, bright lavender hair styled in a careful quiff grinned at him, “I’m Tyler, your RA!”  
“Oh, uh, I’m Dan. Nice to meet you.” He stuck his hand out to receive a much stronger handshake than he had expected from someone nearly a whole head shorter than him.   
“It’s lovely to meet you too! So,” Tyler began digging around in the box he had balanced on his hip, “Here is your map of campus, and an itinerary of orientation week!” Dan took the neatly folded map and the plastic-y fancy paper schedule for the next week. Classes didn’t start until next Monday, and it was only Thursday. He should have expected something like this.  
“Uh, thanks.”  
“Now, I know just looking at the itinerary can be overwhelming, but! Nothing is mandatory, per-say, just heavily encouraged! Since you’re a freshman, all these events will help you get to know people in your class, all over campus!”  
“Oh, right, okay…”   
“There are a few required things, but you’ll get emailed about those!”  
“Okay?”  
“You got your student email set up right?”  
“U-h, y-yes?”   
“Perf! I’ll see you tonight for dinner then? We’re meeting down in the lobby so we can walk to the dining hall together!”  
“Uh, y-yea. Sure.”  
“Nice meeting you Dan!” and Tyler spun on his heel and bounced off down the hall to ambush the next resident. Dan closed the door with a huff, tossing the map in the trash and squinting at the itinerary. Not one single thing on the entire list looked even remotely interesting. Ice cream socials, games on the quad, team building exercises at the school gym… what was this, summer camp?  
The itinerary joined the map in the trash. 

Dan finished hanging up his posters, covering almost every inch of the weird-off white walls with Muse and Fall Out Boy album covers, video game and movie posters. Satisfied, Dan grabbed his laptop and flopped onto his bed, only to realize that he had no fucking clue what the Wi-Fi password was. And he discovered very, very quickly that “WellingtonDorms” required a passcode.   
“Shit…” Dan debated seeing if the map or the itinerary he had tossed had the password, but he doubted it. His best bet was to just suck it up and go find someone, probably Tyler, and get them to tell him the password. He lay slumped on his bed for a moment, passing his hands over the back and sides of his head where his hair was shaved.   
It was an old habit since he had gotten his first undercut when he was 15. A comforting habit too, brushing his palms across the close-cut stubble. Dan really, really, didn’t want to leave his room, but he wasn’t going to last long without Internet.   
“Don’t be a baby, just fucking ask someone…” he was talking to himself again. Dan pushed himself off the bed. He only needed to take one step to get to the door, and he couldn’t really say whether it was that this room really was meant for a hobbit or that he was just a giant. Probably a bit of both. 

Dan poked his head out into the hall. There weren’t many families still around, just one a few doors down. His room was on the top floor of an eight-story building, and he was all the way at the end of the hall. According to the map he got in an email about dorm assignments, this story was all single dorms. Basically, he was on a hallway with a bunch of other introverts and hermits like himself. So one of them must have the passcode. Probably. Hopefully. 

After making sure he had his key, Dan pulled the long sleeves of his purple and blue galaxy sweater over the tips of his fingers and ventured down the hall. Nearly every door was closed and Dan wasn’t really feeling brave enough to knock on some stranger’s door, so he wandered down the hall to see if he could find an opened door.   
Four doors down from Dan’s room was the boys’ bathroom, and the door right next to that was opened.   
Do it for the Internet Dan… he thought to himself, pausing in the doorway.

Inside sat a boy with his back to the doorway and his feet up on his desk, laptop propped on top of his knees. He had a mop of curly brown hair and a pair of red headphones slung around his neck. He was focused on his computer, where he was scrolling through his Twitter feed. So he did have the password. Perfect.   
Dan knocked carefully on the doorframe, and the boy turned his head around, grinning at the boy in the doorway.  
“Hey!” He pulled his feet down from his desk, placing his laptop where his feet had been, and turned to face Dan.  
“Hi, I uh… I w-was, just, you seem to have the Wi-Fi working?” Dan wanted to bash his head open on the doorframe, he sounded like the most idiotic human in the entire fucking world.   
“Oh, yea, I do! Do you need the password?”  
“Yea, yea, that would be great, thanks.”   
“I asked Tyler for it earlier, I wrote it down, somewhere…” he began digging through the drawers in his desk, shuffling around different papers and such. “I’m PJ by that way,” he paused to throw Dan a grin over his shoulder. “Ah, here it is!” PJ found what he was looking for, a bright green sticky note. He passed it to Dan, who pulled his phone out to take a picture of it.  
“Thanks man, saved my life honestly.”  
“Anytime!” Dan handed back the sticky note, locking his phone and tucking it into his back pocket. PJ stared at him for a moment. “You uh, never told me you name?”  
“Oh, fuck, Dan, yea, sorry!” Dan stuck out his hand, and PJ shook it. “Sorry, I’m literally the most awkward human on the planet.”   
“Hey, no worries! You live on this floor?” Dan dropped PJ’s hand and pulled his sweater sleeves down again.   
“Yea, all the way at the end of the hall, uh, 845.” Dan gestured half-heartedly.  
“Cool! We should hang out sometime, since we’re practically neighbors, yea?”   
“Oh, yea, sure,”  
“Let’s exchange numbers!” PJ and Dan swapped phones, and then Dan shrugged, mumbling about getting back to his room. PJ shouted a goodbye at him as Dan made his escape back into the hall. 

Back in his room, Dan made sure he had closed his door before flopping back onto his bed. Getting onto the Wi-Fi was a success, meaning that Dan was basically going to spend the rest of the night on Tumblr. Yes, he was trash and he knew it.   
After a few minutes of being back in his room, Dan’s phone buzzed.

From: Peej  
Hey Dan =D 

To: Peej  
Hey, what’s up?

From: Peej  
Are you going to the group dinner thing tonight?

To: Peej  
Tbh, I didn’t plan to. 

From: Peej  
Oh, thank god me neither. An old friend of mine from high school lives just off campus, he’s having a pizza and video game night, and he said it was cool if I brought a friend. Wanna come with me? Promise it’ll be better than whatever the fuck Tyler’s got planned =P

Dan hesitated before replying, weighing his options. He could stay in his room all night, and just tell PJ he needed to get settled, or he could go and meet people, even if it meant going off campus to some stranger’s house. Something in the back of his head nagged at him to actually go make friends. While he was thinking, his phone buzzed again.

From: KitKat  
Danny-Boy!!!

To: KitKat  
Yes Cat?

From: KitKat  
How’s college? Met any pretty girls or dashing boys yet?

To: KitKat  
The three hours or so I’ve spent here on my own have been fine. And I’ve met literally one person besides my RA, so calm your tits.

From: KitKat  
WAT. My Daniel has met a human being! Was it a forced interaction?

To: KitKat  
No, Christ, calm the fuck down. It’s just a guy down the hall who gave me the wifi.

From: KitKat  
Just a guy? Was he a cute guy?!?!

 

From: Peej  
Hey, no pressure by the way! If you’re not up to meet other people that’s cool. 

Dan didn’t hesitate this time before replying to PJ.

To: Peej  
Nah, it sounds fun. What time are you leaving?

From: Peej  
Meet me outside my room at 8?

To: Peej  
See ya then! 

To: KitKat  
Just a guy Cat. He did invite me to his friend’s house for pizza and video games tonight, and I said I would go, so…

From: KitKat  
SOCALIZING? MY DANYUL? I’M SO PROUD.

Dan rolled his eyes at Cat. Of all the things he was going to miss from his middle-of-nowhere hometown, it was going to be his best friend. Maybe he should have taken that gap year with her, but his parents told his college would be good fro him, help him figure stuff out, like what he was meant to do, who he was, where his life was going. His Dad was so proud when Dan chose pre law, his son was going to be a lawyer, proud that his son was making decisions, growing up, becoming someone his Dad would be proud of—  
Dan shoved the swell of anxiety down, forcing himself to breath steadily and passing a hand over the side of his head, once, twice, again, and again. 

To: KitKat  
Thanks mom

Just video games and pizza, he could handle that. Sure, sure he could. He tossed his phone on the bed next to his and slouched into his favorite browsing position, occasionally lifting his right hand to pass it over his shaved sides, once, then twice, then again and again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Edited!

It was exactly 7:50, and Dan was standing in front of the full length mirror leaned against the wall next to his door. He scrunched up his eyes, hands fussing with his hair, pulling at it, trying to coerce it to do what he wanted. 

After a few moments, he was satisfied with his hair, and just stood for a moment, curling his fingers into the sleeves of his sweater. He looked like such a fucking nerd in his galaxy sweater. It had been a gift from his Grandma, so of course he kept it at first out of obligation, but he actually found himself loving it.   
Dan turned his back on the mirror, sitting in his desk chair to lace up his black combat boots, chewing on his top lip and ignoring his stomach as it flipped and jumped around inside of him.  
“I can do this, I’ll be fine…” He stood, going to the mirror again to fuss with his hair. “Fine, you’ll be fine. Just,” Dan sighed heavily, dropping his hands to his sides. “Just don’t embarrass yourself.” He glanced over at his reflection for another moment, straightening his shoulders when he remembered how much his mother bothered him about his terrible posture. She was convinced he was going to be crippled by the time he was twenty-five. 

It was 7:54 now. Dan sunk back into his chair, letting his head fall back. He skimmed his eyes over the books he had brought to college with him, all his favorites that he had read over and over and over. 

Looking for Alaska, The Book Thief, The Hobbit, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and The Complete Collection of Edgar Allan Poe were his favorites, all copies that had been well loved. The rest of the books he brought were poetry and short story collections, because, yes, he was that kind of a nerd.   
He ran his hands up the sides of his head, once, twice, again, and again, and checked the time on his phone. 

It was 7:59, almost eight. What the fuck happened to the time? Dan jumped up from his chair, crossing quickly to the door. He patted his jeans, checking: wallet, keys, phone, and again just to make sure. Wallet, keys, phone. One pass of his palms over his shaved sides and he left the room, crossing down the hallway.

PJ’s door was still opened, so Dan just leaned on the doorframe. PJ was sitting in the exact place he had been before. Dan cleared his throat awkwardly, and PJ quickly put his laptop aside, hopping to his feet.  
“Hey Dan! Right on time, perfect!” PJ grabbed his keys and wallet from his desk and followed Dan out into the hall. “Phil lives literally right off campus, it won’t even be a ten minute walk.”  
“Okay.” Dan pressed his fingertips into the inside seams of his sweater cuffs as PJ checked to make sure his door was locked. PJ was wearing jeans, a white t-shirt and a grey zip up hoodie. Once he was sure the door was locked, he stuffed the key into his jeans pocket, turning to Dan with that grin of his. Dan noticed for the first time just how green his eyes were.  
“Shall we?”  
“Yea,” they left the dorm in a silence that almost wasn’t awkward. The elevator ride down was a bit awkward, and Dan knew it was, but he couldn’t think of anything to say, or how to say it, it was as if his mind was blank and his tongue was suddenly too clumsy between his teeth. PJ was the one who finally spoke.  
“So, what’s your major?”  
“I’m pre law.” The left the elevator, crossing through the lobby.  
“Oh, that’s pretty cool! Lawyer in the making, huh?”  
“In theory yea, I guess. You?” Dan and PJ started their walk from the door, PJ leading away from campus.  
“I’m a MAD major.”  
“MAD?”  
“Media Arts and Design.” PJ shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, grinning. “Focusing on films and stuff, but I think I’m going to pick up and art minor too.” That sounded way cooler than anything Dan would ever do. Much cooler than law anyways.   
“Oh, wow. That’s pretty awesome.” They had to stop at a crosswalk, PJ pushing the button. A breeze blew over them, causing Dan to only further bury his hands into the sleeves of his sweater. Maybe he should have worn a jacket. Or a beanie.  
“Yea, it’s really awesome!” The crosswalk lit up, finally. “I think I want to be involved with like, filmmaking but I also am really into painting and sketching and sculpting too.” Dan followed half a step behind PJ, finding himself enjoying the boy’s company. Maybe Dan should be thankful that he just happened to meet a nerdy, artistic guy, considering that his classes would be with incredibly dull and boring people, all majoring in pre law or business. Just the thought of classes made his stomach do extra flips, having to sit in lecture halls and listen to teachers drone and avoid being called on at all costs and—  
“Hey, Dan?” Dan blinked. PJ was waving a hand in front of his face.  
“Uh, yea?”   
“Lost you for a second there, you okay?” Dan passed a hand over the side of his head once, twice.   
“Yea, just spaced out, sorry.” Again and again.   
“I was just saying that you don’t really look like a lawyer.”   
“Oh,”  
“Which is a compliment!”  
“Thanks, no, yea, I know.” They we walking down a side street off campus now, the cozy, nice part of the city kind of street, with brick houses and trees with branches that arched over the road. “I only picked law because I knew it would get me a job, and my Dad was thrilled at the idea. He really didn’t want me coming into college undeclared, it kind of freaked him out.”  
“How come?” PJ glanced at Dan, falling into step beside him.  
“Just did,” Dan shrugged. “He likes having a plan.”   
“Well, that’s okay, I guess, but Phil’s a junior, and he’s had, like, four majors and five minors,”  
“What?” Dan couldn’t imagine that, keeping track of your requirements and electives, and all the paperwork and having to stay an extra year—  
“Here we are!” PJ stopped in front of one of the small town houses. Brick steps with moss in between lead up to a brick porch and a brick house. The porch’s black rails were strung with blue fairy lights, and there was a huge pot holding a very leafy plant taking up most of the porch space. On the door, there was a sign that read: The Gallery.  
“Ready?” Dan nodded, following PJ up the steps. The doormat was designed to look like a giant enter key from a computer keyboard. “Yea, they’re all huge fucking nerds,” PJ spoke when he saw Dan staring down at the mat. “You’ll fit right in, I promise.” PJ turned back to the door, knocking twice.  
Dan ran his hands over the side of his head, once, twice and again and again and again in the time it took for someone to answer the door. After again and again the black door was thrown open, light and noise spilling out through it. 

And the boy standing in the doorway was smiling bright enough to cause blindness. 

“Peej! Come in!” The boy stepped aside, letting PJ cross inside, Dan following him. “How’s your first day on campus?” PJ gave the other boy a tight hug, answering him, but Dan wasn’t really listening. 

The guy who had opened the door for him and PJ was wearing a worn looking dark red sweater with the sleeves pushed up, showing arms covered in tattoos. His left arm was all black and white designs, and his right was full of color. His hands were clasped over PJ’s shoulder as he interrogated his friend about his day. Dan’s eyes stopped on his fingertips. They were painted a shiny black.   
“This is Dan, he lives down the hall from me.” PJ gave Dan a nudge with his elbow. Dan snapped his eyes to the other boys face.  
“I’m Phil! I love your sweater.”  
“Thanks.” Dan shook his hand, a weird fuzzy warmth sparking in his chest at Phil’s wide, bright, smiling eyes. If PJ had unusually green eyes, Phil’s eyes were unusually blue, shining from behind thick-framed hipster glasses. He had pale, sharp features and dark hair caught under a scrunched-up brown beanie.   
“I’m assuming you like video games, or else Peej wouldn’t have brought you!” Phil turned and walked into the house, PJ and Dan trailing behind him, Dan a few steps behind PJ.   
Dan wasn’t a complete idiot, he had crushes before and more than his share of traumatic past relationships, so there was no way in hell he was getting himself involved with some guy two years older than him before he even got to his first class. Nope, nopity-nope there wasn’t enough anxiety meds in the world to handle the spiral of daydreams and imaginings that would inevitably lead to disappointment. Besides, Dan had enough baggage to put him off relationships for the foreseeable future. 

So instead of letting his brain go down that path, Dan slowed a bit, looking around the house. It was pretty much a cramped college town house, but not messy or trashy. Just a bit cluttered—fairy lights strung along the crease between the wall and the ceiling above what seemed to be hundreds of paintings. Now Dan knew why it was called The Gallery. 

Dan stalled at a long horizontal watercolor painting of a nebula, greens and blues and oranges and reds blended across the canvas, dotted with white. It looked amazing, and Dan was maybe a little bit obsessed with space in general. 

 

“Gorgeous isn’t it?” Dan jumped, nearly getting whiplash when he turned to see Phil standing next to him, smiling a sideways kind of smile. “Lexi painted that one. She graduated the year I was a freshman, such an amazing artist.”  
“Yea, it’s really pretty.” Dan passed his hand, once, twice.  
“Peej said you lived down the hall with him, so you’re a freshman, yea?”  
“Yep.” Dan was suddenly self-conscious of his raggedy, chewed up nails in comparison to Phil’s shiny black ones. He shoved his hands as deep into his pockets as he could manage with skinny jeans. “I love space, I mean, uh, if you couldn’t tell from my shirt, uh,“  
“Yeah I could tell.” Phil smirked. Dan felt like his tongue was caught in his teeth, he hated the sound of his voice; his stomach wouldn’t sit still—“You hungry?” Phil’s voice broke into Dan’s head.  
“Uh, sure, a bit,” Dan wanted to step on his own foot, he sounded so stupid, but Phil just smiled wide and toothy, like Dan had actually given a socially acceptable answer.   
“Well the pizza got here just before you guys, come on!” Phil grabbed Dan’s wrist tugging him down the hall. Dan could feel his face go completely red and that weird fuzzy-ness spreading inside his ribcage. Phil’s fingers were so long and thin, wrapping around his wrist, all the way up to his black fingernails that reflected the fairy lights on little glints and shinning pieces.  
Phil let go of Dan when they reached the kitchen, making a beeline for the food and leaving Dan to hover in the doorway of the kitchen.   
“Hey Dan, there you are!” PJ waved Dan over to the group of people. There was a boy with straight brown wearing a striped t-shirt, a girl with long blond hair with pink tips, and another boy with bunches of sandy curls sitting on top of his head, who was somehow managing to pull of a septum piercing, who had his arm around a shorter girl with a pixie cut that was dyed a silver-y grey.   
PJ let Dan join the circle of people, introducing him.   
“Guys, this is Dan, he lives on my hall. Dan this is Chris,” the boy in the striped shirt, “Louise,” pink tips, “Liam,” septum piercing, “and Skyler,” the girl with grey hair.  
“Nice to meet you!” Louise offered her hand first, Dan taking it with a smile. She had beautifully painted nails, bright stripes in orange and pink. “Oh, Peej, are all the boys on your hall this cute?” Louise spoke through a huge grin, showing a gap between her front teeth that Dan would have found incredibly endearing if he weren’t fighting down a blush.  
“Nah, Peej only brings the cutest!” Chris clapped Dan on the shoulder, speaking in a brash, warm voice.   
“Stop scaring the freshman!” The girl with silver hair knocked Chris hand off his shoulder, “Ignore those two, they’re literally insane people.” Skyler, Dan reminded himself. Silver hair girl was Skyler. Liam gave Dan a small smile, nodding in greeting.   
“Did you get anything to eat?” PJ asked, poking an elbow into Dan’s ribs.  
“Oh, uh no, not yet,”  
“Hope you like plain cheese!” Phil appeared at Dan’s shoulder, offering him a slice of pizza. Dan just took it with a small smile, muttering thanks. Phil stuck his piece into his mouth and grabbed the pizza boxes.  
“Shall we to the living room?” Christ gestured grandly, and Dan followed the group into the living room, which was furnished mostly with beanbags, plus one couch and a pretty impressive gaming set up. They all settled onto the beanbags, leaving Dan to hover in the doorway yet again, finish his slice of pizza and wiping his hands on his jeans.   
“Dan!” Phil was sitting on the couch, having dumped the pizza boxes on the floor. Dan silently joined him, sitting on his legs and watching Skyler and Louise fight over Princess Peach. “They always fight over who gets to play Princess Peach,” Phil leaned towards Dan, throwing his arm across the back of the sofa so that it was barely touching Dan’s shoulders. “Personally, I’m more of a fan of Toad.” Phil looked down at Dan, grinning.  
“Oh, uh, yea, I usually play as Toad too.” Dan lifted a hand out of habit to pass it, once, twice, again and again and on the fifth pass, Dan’s hand brushed Phil’s, and Dan immediately pulled his hand away, shoving both hands between his legs. Phil just gave Dan a wink before turning to watch his friends play Mario Kart while Dan desperately tried to ignore the fuzzy-ness in his chest and how fucking hot his ears were.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Edited!

(Phil POV)

When Phil had told Peej that yea, he could totally bring this other freshman over today, he wished PJ had told him how damn cute this boy was. Cinnamon eyes and brown hair with sweater paws for Christ’s sake. And a galaxy sweater, plus an undercut that suited his so well. What an adorable little space boy. Phil didn’t know whether to thank PJ or kick him.   
Phil was leaning more towards his first option now that he practically had his arm around Dan, sitting together on the couch while Chris, Skyler, Louise and PJ played Mario Kart. Was it a little creepy? Maybe. But it wasn’t like Phil was going to do anything; Louise reminded him often enough that he didn’t have the balls to ask out anyone, let alone, someone actually cute.   
“Beer anyone?” Liam poked his head out of the kitchen.  
“Oh, me please!” Louise shouted over her shoulder, eyes still on the screen.  
“Me too!” Skyler shouted.  
“Okay, so does anyone not want a beer?” Liam shouted from the kitchen. Phil glanced at Dan, who was looking over his shoulder at Liam, tendons standing out in his neck. Phil couldn’t stop himself from staring and he immediately felt like such a creep. He looked away from Dan’s neck, lifting his hand to tap on Dan’s shoulder. Dan jumped, turning his head so fast that Phil was half afraid he was going to snap something.  
“Do you want a beer?”  
“Uh, I, um, I’ve never drank b-before…” he glanced almost desperately to Peej, who was focused on the game, and also probably focused on the fact that Chris had insisted on sharing beanbag with him. Those two, all squished together. Gross and adorable.   
“You don’t have to,” Phil didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable; Dan had looked ready to bolt when he opened the door. “Alcohol isn’t all it’s talked up to be anyways.” Phil watched Dan’s face carefully. He didn’t know where this urge to take care of Dan was coming from, maybe it was the big brown eyes or way he trailed into the house like a puppy dog after Peej, but Phil has a sudden and strong impulse to stick up for the freshman.   
“No, sure. I’ll have one, might as well, yea?”   
“Phil, don’t corrupt the freshman!” Louise jumped up from the beanbag she was sitting on. “Liam!”   
“What?”   
“You’re racing next round!” Louise plopped down on the couch next to me. “Dan, don’t let these idiots convince you to drink if you don’t want to,”  
“No, I want to.” Dan sat up a bit straighter, raising one of his hands to rub it over the shaved part of his undercut. He kept dong that, and every time he did, Phil found himself impulsively wanting to reach out and run his hands over the shaved stubble too.  
“Well, I love corrupting freshman.” Liam appeared behind the couch, arms full of beer bottles and grin on his face. “Drink up kid.” He handed Phil three beers and then dropped the rest on a beanbag and picked up Louise’s abandoned controller. “We are not doing Rainbow Road, I will riot.” Louise grabbed her beer, leaving one for Dan.   
“You sure?” Phil asked Dan, trying to get him to keep eye contact. Dan wasn’t good at keeping eye contact, which really was a shame since Phil thought his eyes were so damn pretty.   
“Positive.” He held out a hand, and Phil placed the beer in it. Dan watched Phil carefully as he twisted the top off the drink and took a swig. Settling back into the couch, Phil let his arm rest across the back of the couch. Okay, maybe trying to put his arm around Dan was a little much, but, hey, Phil hadn’t really been with someone since high school. No one serious anyways, and yea Phil was weird and a bit of a hopeless romantic, but Dan seemed like the kinda guy he would want to…   
“Fucking, I said not Rainbow Road, Peej, I will kill you before you even get to class.” Liam shouted, cutting into Phil’s thoughts. Probably a good thing, because Phil really didn’t need his brain going anywhere near that direction. He had just met Dan for Christ’s sake.   
“Empty threats, we all know you’re about as scary as a butterfly stuck to a marshmallow!” Chris shot back.  
“Uh, I am terrifyingly manly. Right kid, I’m super scary?” Liam tilted his head back to wiggle his eyebrows at Dan who just flushed and looked down at his sweater paws.   
“Stop it, you’ll scare him away!” Louise kicked her foot out, just barely missing Liam’s head. “Why don’t you just focus on losing? Don’t take it personally Dan, he calls everyone kid.” Phil glanced to Dan, who was still curled up in the corner of the couch, the beer opened and cradled between two sweater paws.   
“So, is beer everything you’ve been told it would be?” Phil teased, leaning closer to him.  
“Uh, I haven’t tried any yet, actually,” He looked down at the bottle in his hands. Phil took another drink, eyes not leaving Dan’s face. After a moment of avoiding eye contact, Dan raised the beer to his lips taking a very, very cautious sip. The second the liquid touched his lips his nose scrunched up and he shook his head, sticking his tongue out in the most adorable way possible. “That’s literally the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted!” Phil burst out laughing, lifting the hand holding his beer to cover his mouth.   
“Well if you don’t want it, I’ll take it!” Louise lunged across Phil, reaching for Dan.  
“Louise!” She nearly made him spill everywhere, “Christ,” Dan quickly got rid of his drink and Louise settled back on the other side of the couch, very happy with her two drinks.  
“So, Dan!” Louise turned so she was facing us, her back on the armrest. “Tell me about yourself!” Dan looked suddenly speechless; Phil could practically see the panic in his eyes.   
“What’s your major?” Phil prompted, watching Dan’s eyes flicker with relief. Ah, a solid five seconds of eye contact. And Dan even gave Phil a smile. A very, very cute smile.  
“Pre law.” Louise wrinkled her nose in disgust.  
“Ewwwww that sounds so boring!”  
“We’re mostly art majors and stuff,” Phil quickly explained to Dan. Really, Louise shouldn’t be so rude. “I’m a MAD major, so is Chris,” Phil watched Dan nod.  
“Like PJ?”  
“Yep. Louise is—“  
“English!” She cut in, grinning.  
“English, yea, and Skyler and Liam are art majors, Skyler is an amazing sculpture artist and painter, and Liam does some amazing pencil sketches and stuff like that.” Phil continued explaining, “Skyler and Liam already have stuff hung up in the house.”   
“Are you all juniors?” Dan asked.  
“I’m a sophomore! And so is Chris.” Louise spoke. “We went to high school with Peej and Phil.”   
“Well, I’ve known Peej pretty much all my life,” Phil cut in. “Our parents were neighbors, still are. Anyone from your high school come to college with you?”  
“I wouldn’t know.” Dan looked at the screen, watching the game. “I didn’t really have many close friends.”  
“Aw Dan!” Louise reached across me to ruffle Dan’s hair. “You’ve got us!” Dan blushed, fixing his hair. When he blushed his ears turned pink first, the blush creeping down his neck and into his cheeks.   
“Thanks…” he mumbled, sinking further into the couch. Louise just giggled and looked back to the game, but not before wiggling her eyebrows at Phil. He was anticipating the interrogation form Louise soon about making heart eyes at people but never doing anything about it and how he should totally do something about it. He wasn’t really looking forward to it. 

Phil wondered why Dan agreed to come with PJ; he didn’t seem like the kind of guy to just go out with a practical stranger, but people do weird stuff in college. Hell, Phil’s first week of college consisted of getting his first tattoos and discovering that, yes, cigarettes really were absolutely disgusting, but somehow getting high wasn’t nearly as big of a deal as he had been told, and even better, blacking out was just as horrifying as it sounds.  
Phil had pretty much run from his hometown and his ex girlfriend like his life depended on it, and he didn’t know what he was doing or where he wanted to go with his life. Not that he knew everything now, but at least Phil had this home at The Gallery and his friends. There had been nothing worse freshman year than coming back day after day to a roommate who never spoke to him in the world’s tiniest, most depressing excuse for a room.   
“You’re always welcome here,” Phil spoke, turning to smile at Dan, who actually held eye contact. “I know how much dorms can suck.”  
“Thanks.” Dan replied, smiling back warmly. And maybe keeping eye contact for longer than was socially acceptable, which might have raised Phi’s heart rate for a moment, but he would absolutely deny that if anyone asked.   
“Hey, Phil, you want to play?” Phil turned his head, looking to PJ, who was lying on the beanbag and grinning at Phil upside down. “Unless you’re too busy flirting with the freshman? Guess it’s a good thing I—” Phil launched off the couch, landing on PJ, his only goal being to shut him up.   
“Jesus fucking Christ Phil!” PJ shouted, rolling off the beanbag and onto the floor. “You’re a disaster of a person!” Phil rolled off the beanbag and on top of PJ, giggling like a maniac. “Phiiiiiiiiiil, get the fuck—“  
“What? I can’t hear you!” Phil smushed PJ, sitting on him. PJ should know better than to tease Phil about boys, or about girls, or about anyone.   
“Fucking Christ.” Peej gave up, letting Phil sit on his chest.   
“Aw, Phil missed you Peej.” Louise grinned from the couch.   
“We all missed him, eh Peej?” Chris reached forward and messed up PJ’s scruffy hair, and PJ flailed back, swinging enough to knock Phil onto the floor. Phil just snickered, getting up and letting Chris and PJ’s hair ruffling turn into a full-on wrestling match.   
“Chris, you’re such a—FUCKING DON’T SIT ON ME!” PJ shouted, defeated now with Chris sitting on his chest. Phil flopped back onto the couch.  
“They do this all the time, it’s best to just ignore them,” Phil explained to Dan, who was watching PJ attempt to squirm out from under Chris.   
“Right, yea.”  
“They’re just the CUTEST.” Louise giggled. Phil heard Dan’s phone start buzzing, and he glanced up to see Dan frowning at his screen.   
“Uh, I have to take this, sorry…” Dan stood from the couch and left the living room, one hand pressed against the back of his head.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: THIS IS THE NEW CHAPTER WOW 
> 
> TW: Panic Attacks

(Dan’s POV)

When Dan had seen Doug’s name go flashing across his screen, his gut chanted don’t even think about it don’t you dare, bad news, bad news, but he was a creature of habit and probably a masochist to some extent, so Dan excused himself into the hall to answer.   
“Hello?”  
“Baby, you answered!” Dan’s chest tightened, his ribs folding in on each other.  
“You’re drunk.” It wasn’t a question. Dan’s hand was brushing the side of his head, passing once and twice and again and again. “You’re drunk aren’t you?”   
“Are you?” Doug slurred though the phone. Dan sat down on the stairs because he was starting to feel light headed, because even if Doug was a million miles away he could still see grey eyes and bleached hair and feel hands with guitar callouses and god it made him shudder and shake.   
“No, I-I’m not, why, why are you calling me?” How could a voice make you feel seventeen again, seventeen and small again.   
“Why’d you pick up? Must have missed me, didn’t you Bear?”  
“D-don’t call me that.” Dan shut his eyes tight, because he could feel that rock in the back of his throat, under his Adam’s apple, scraping and sitting and keeping him from breathing.  
“Your stutter’s so cute,” Dan felt dizzy.   
“Why did you call me?”  
“Miss you baby, wish you had come to Seattle,”   
“I didn’t want to come to Seattle—“  
“You should visit me, yea? Visit me so I can hear your pretty little stutter again—“ Dan dropped the phone, his hand was shaking. Somewhere in the back of his head he must have hear the sound it made when it hit the wooden floor but his head was full of white noise and florescent static, Dan sat, breathing, breathing, remembering how to breath again, staring at the screen of his phone and thinking God, Cat’s going to kill me for answering and what if he finds me, does he know where I am what if he knows where I am it would just be a few hour’s drive, god what if—  
Dan gripped his hair, willing, begging his lungs to work and his head to stop spinning because he can’t be, he can’t be having this, doing this now, in house full of strangers, he met them an hour ago, he can’t be doing this, can’t be, fucking stupid dumb panicky piece of shit brain, stop it, stop it, get yourself together—  
“Dan?” Dan clenched his eyes shut tighter, he hoped he was imagining that voice, he totally could be imagining that voice, but he was not imagining a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, Dan, you okay?”  
“Sorry, I-I’m fine, I just, I-I’m fine,”   
“Not to like, ignore what you’re saying, but you don’t look fine. Scoot over.” Phil nudged Dan’s shoulder, and he shuffled aside, trying to tuck himself into a smaller and smaller space. A hand carefully began rubbing across his back. “This okay?”  
“Y-yea, I, sorry, I just…” Dan gripped his hair, mind racing, fuck it’s starting to curl, fuck, am I sweating, I look like shit, why didn’t I stay in my dorm, I’m so fucking dumb—  
“Don’t apologize. Hey, quit it,” Phil’s hands covered Dan’s, gently pulling them from his hair, “You’re going to pull all your hair out.” Dan swears his heart should have stopped when he felt Phil wrap their hands together, because that’s how all the stories go, but when Phil gently passed his thumb across Dan’s knuckles, his heart slowed for a millisecond.   
“I’m r-really, I am, am so, so s-sorry, I shouldn’t, I’m s-so sorry...”  
“Shush.” Phil tapped the pad of his thumb on Dan’s hand. “Just focus on breathing, calming down. You’re okay, I promise, take your time.” Dan nodded, eyes still shut, shut so tight he could see purple bursts, and his heart was thundering still and his lungs were heavy like there was lead inside them and he was drowning and did I hang up, I didn’t hang up fuck, can he hear me, or Phil, he’s hours away, just hours away, he could be here by morning, fuck, fuck—  
“Hey, can I help, uh, how about I tell you a story, yea?” Phil asked, his hands tightening around Dan’s. Dan nodded, anything, anything to distract him. “Cool, okay, uh, once upon a time, there was a really clumsy Lion. Which was worse than being a Cowardly Lion, because you can get braver, but clumsiness, clumsiness you can’t help. So, this Clumsy Lion, one day, went down to the lake where all the other animals of the jungle hang out, and—“  
“Is this going anywhere?” Dan spoke. His heart wasn’t screaming anymore and his ribs weren’t so tight.  
“It won’t if you interrupt.” Dan opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized how close Phil was to him. Phil was sitting with his back against he wall on the same stair as Dan, one leg bent up to his chest and the other stretched out on the lower step. Dan was squished up against the wall, back against the step behind him. “Hey there.” Phil smiled, running his thumb across Dan’s knuckles in a gentle rhythm. He had a softness in his face, not the pity or the ‘poor you’ look Dan had expected.   
“Sorry, I’m so sorry you had to see that, I,” Dan started his well rehearsed I’m sorry speech. Phil lifted his hand, stopping him.  
“Nope! Not allowed to apologize.” Dan looked away sheepishly, down to their hands. It made him feel dizzy again, but less in the I-can’t-breath way and more in the tummy-butterflies-fuzzy-feelings way. All the ways that were not allowed.   
“Can I say thanks?”  
“No need to thank me.” Phil gave Dan’s hands a squeeze. “Panic attacks suck, but they suck worse when you’re alone.” Dan nodded, pulling his hands away, because holding Phil’s hands felt like cheating, felt like it wasn’t fair after everything Doug had—  
“Fuck.” Dan tried to turn on the steps, looking for his phone. “Fuck, where,” He saw it, sitting on the landing. He snatched it up, tapping the home button to find that the call had ended a while ago. Dan slumped back against the step, pulling his sweater sleeves over his hands and rubbing his fists against his eyes.   
“Tired?” Dan nodded, not meeting Phil’s eyes, his thoughts chanting don’t ask, don’t ask, please don’t ask who it was. “Do you want to head back to your dorm?”   
“Oh, I d-don’t want to make PJ leave early,” Dan had already resigned himself to sitting awkwardly in the corner of the couch and avoiding eye contact until PJ was ready to go back.   
“Peej will probably stay the night, Louise isn’t going to let him go back to a freshman dorm after he’s had a drink. She’s literally such a mom.” Phil stood from the stairs, stretching his long legs and arms. His joints popped and creaked. “God, I’m getting old.” Phil turned, offering Dan his hand. “I’ll walk you back, if you’d like?”   
“You don’t have to,” Dan accepted his hand, and Phil pulled him off the steps. “I can just use my phone to get me back, I have Google Maps.”   
“But I want to!” Phil grinned, tucking his hands into his pockets. “You were my guest, I should make sure you get home safe. Two seconds!” Phil turned and ducked back into the living room before Dan could protest. Sighing, Dan looked back down at his phone. Cat had texted him.

From: KitKat  
hey hey hey how’s the crazy night out?

To: KitKat  
not very crazy. the house is really cool, they’re all old friends of PJ’s

From: KitKat  
any of them cute and single?

To: KitKat  
yes, because since I have no gender preference, cute and single are my only requirements

From: KitKat  
you know what I mean Bear ;P

To: KitKat  
well

From: KitKat  
WELL?

To: KitKat  
there’s this guy Phil. he’s really nice, and he’s insisting on walking me home since PJ’s staying. 

From: KitKat  
DETAILS. what does he look like? is he nice? what’s his major? what year is he? 

To: KitKat  
jesus calm down. 

From: KitKat  
ANSWERS

“Ready to go?” Phil walked out of the living room, a red jacket thrown over his arm, PJ following him.  
“Thanks for coming Dan!”   
“Thanks for inviting me.” Dan lifted a hand to his head, once and twice. “I had a lot of fun.”   
“Good.” PJ grinned wider. “Text me anytime, yea? I haven’t exactly met anyone else on the hall and I really don’t have the motivation to.”   
“Same. Uh, yea, I’ll text you.” PJ gave Dan wave and left. Dan turned to Phil, saying, “Ready.” Phil slipped his jacket on and held the door open for Dan. 

To: KitKat  
walking home with him. I’ll text you when I get back to my dorm. don’t blow up my phone too much =P


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Edited!

(Dan’s POV)

Dan followed Phil out to the porch, shivering as soon as he stepped outside. He really should have brought a jacket. Not only did it get colder, but it was also windy. Dan shoved his hands into his pockets and hunched his shoulders.  
“Did you not bring a jacket?” Phil asked. Dan shook his head. “Here.” Phil pulled the beanie off his head, going to put it over Dan’s head.  
“No, no, I’m fine, it’s just a short walk, you don’t have to—“  
“I want to.” Phil tucked the beanie over Dan’s hair, hands brushing over Dan’s cheeks before coming to rest on his shoulders for a moment. “Besides, it looks better on you anyways.” He winked, and then turned and walked down the steps, leaving Dan blushing bright red on the porch, still feeling the weight of Phil’s hands on his shoulders. “Coming?” Dan snapped out of his daze, quickly catching up to Phil.  
“Thanks. For walking me back, and the hat.”  
“My pleasure! Nice night for a walk anyways.”  
“Yea, if you enjoy feeling half-frozen.” Dan muttered under his breath, immediately regretting that he had said anything. His parents always told him to bite his tongue; no one needed to or wanted to hear his snide commentary. But Phil just giggled.  
“Or if you own a jacket.” Dan just looked down at his boots. Phil gently nudged his should when they came to the end of the street. “Hey, I was just teasing you.”   
“I know.” They walked in silence for a while, but it wasn’t an awkward one. But, Dan still felt the need to speak, not that he felt obligated to, but more that he was just curious about Phil. For once, Dan wanted to keep a conversation with someone. “PJ mentioned that you switched majors a ton?” Dan asked, falling into step easily next to Phil. They were almost the same height, Dan maybe an inch shorter, but not by much.   
“Oh, yea. I came in undeclared, and then I was an English Major, and then I was a Theater major, thought about music, switched to anthropology, and then settled on MAD.” Phil pushed his hands into the pockets of his red jacket, smiling to himself as he talked.   
“Wow.” Dan whistled under his breath. “I can’t imagine that.” How the fuck did he keep track of all those classes?   
“Yea, it was kind of hectic, and I’m absolutely going to have to spend an extra year, but it was worth it.” Dan’s heart gave a little flip at the mention of an extra year. Which was just dumb, because Dan didn’t care if Phil was staying longer because he had just met him, and that would be ridiculous to care about Phil and whatever he’s doing with his life.   
“I can’t imagine going trough all that paperwork and, and what about the classes that you don’t even need. It seems like… I don’t know.” Dan reached up to tug at the edges of Phil’s beanie as gust of wind snuck up the back of his neck.  
“Like a waste of time?”  
“Yea I guess.” Dan just hadn’t wanted to say it like that, but it just seemed like a ridiculous luxury, spending time and money for classes you didn’t even need for your major.   
“Liam thinks it is too. But, he’s wanted to be an artist since he was a kid; some of us aren’t that lucky. I used to want to be a weather man.”   
“That’s pretty cool.”  
“What about you?” Phil glanced at Dan with his bright eyes. They weren’t just blue, now Dan could see facets of green-y and yellow colors. “Earth to Dan?” Phil raised a hand and waved it.  
“Sorry, I, uh, spaced out.”  
“You’re fine! I was just asking what you wanted to be when you grew up when you were a kid?” Phil has such kind, kind eyes. Dan tried to subtly pinch himself, reminding himself you literally just met him calm the fuck down.   
“Oh,” Dan pulled the beanie down tighter around his ears as another gust of wind swept across the street. “I, well, I wanted to be a lot of things I guess.”  
“Wait!” Phil stopped, grabbing Dan’s arm. “Can I guess?” Dan just nodded, his tongue stuck somewhere between his teeth and his cheeks because Phil’s long fingers were wrapped around the crook of his elbow and Dan felt all warm-fuzzy-float-y again. “Okay, uuuuuuuuhh…” Phil let go of Dan, placing his hands on his hips and squinting at Dan, who just squirmed under his gaze, but couldn’t really convince himself to look away. “Lion tamer!”   
“…no?”  
“Freelance snake wrangler!”  
“No…”  
“Astronaut!”   
“Before I knew it involved math.” Dan sighed. It was the greatest disappointment in the world really, to grow up in the middle of nowhere looking at the stars every night and then finding out how much math and science you needed to get there. Dan wasn’t ever really going to forget that terrible dropping of his stomach when he knew he was too dumb to get to the stars. “I wanted to be an actor.” Dan offered shyly as they started walking again.   
“That’s awesome! I was a theater major for a semester, it was so much fun. I wasn’t much good though.” They had reached the crosswalk now, so they were almost on campus. “So are you going to get involved in the theater department here?”  
“I can’t, I’m pre law remember?” Dan looked down at his boots as they crossed the street.   
“You don’t have to be a major to audition for the shows.” Dan shrugged. Just because he could didn’t mean he should. Dad would have an aneurysm if he knew I auditioned for something, Dan could hear his Dad now: study hard, being a lawyer’s going to get you far, theater isn’t a career, space isn’t a career, you’re too smart, I expect better, you can do better.   
Dan’s head was aching his stomach was flipping and turning just thinking about it.   
“I can bring you to a theater party next weekend if you want to meet people?” Phil’s elbow brushed against Dan’s arm, and he looked up.   
“Thanks, but no thanks. I should just focus on law, and parties aren’t my thing.” They were pretty much on campus now, and Wellington was within sight. “I’m just up here.” Dan pointed at the dorm.   
“Ah, Wellington. I lived there freshman year.” Phil stood next to Dad at the foot of the building. “What floor are you on?”  
“Eighth.”   
“Really?”  
“Yea, “  
“I lived on that floor too! What’s your room?” Phil turned to Dan with childish excitement.   
“845,”  
“No way!” Phil was practically bouncing with excitement, grinning from ear to ear, eyes shining. Dan’s mouth turned up in an automatic, small smile from just watching Phil. “That was my old room! You have to show me what it looks like!” Phil grabbed Dan’s hand, pulling him to the front entrance.   
Somewhere in the back of Dan’s head there were alarms flashing, warning him that brining the attractive and excitable upper classman into his dorm the night he met him was maybe a bad idea, but every ounce of Dan’s better judgment seemed to evaporate the second Phil’s fingers interlocked with his own. 

When they reached the door, Dan fumbled with his ID, trying to swipe in with one hand because he really, really didn’t want to let go, but there was a point where not embarrassing yourself in front of a cute boy becomes more important. Dan finally got the damn door open, Phil grabbed his hand again, pulling him through the lobby and towards the elevator, talking and chatting.  
“They lobby still looks god-awful, do they still have crappy AC?” Phil dropped Dan’s hand when the elevator doors slid open. “Does your door have that scratch on the back still or did they finally fix it” Phil pushed the Floor 8 button, turning to Dan.  
“I uh, I didn’t notice really.”   
“I bet it’s still there, they’re too cheap to fix anything in this dump.” Phil pushed his hands in his pockets, leaning against the wall of the elevator, a soft look of fondness on his face. The elevator ride with Phil wasn’t nearly as awkward as the ride with PJ, just kind of quiet. When the doors slid open at the eight floor, Phil grabbed Dan’s hand again, and Dan gladly let Phil take him down the hall, trying desperately to get his heart rate and blush in check.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Edited!

The lock to Dan’s room clicked open as Dan turned to Phil, hands pressed on the pitted wood of his door. Dan was suddenly nervous, but a different nervous than usual. Less of a “go the fuck away nervous” and more of an “I don’t want to disappoint you” nervous.   
“I don’t really, uh, have a lot in here, but…” Dan let the door swing open, his stomach doing that stupid flip. “Here it is.” Phil bounded into the small room, stretching his arms out wide.   
“I forgot how tiny this place was!” Dan watched Phil stand in the center of his room, arms out stretched as Phil tried to touch both walls at the same time. The ends of his sleeves pulled up, and Dan let his eyes wander over his tattoos. Dan really, really liked tattoos. It was one of those things, like piercings, that his parents were always very wary of; it had taken months to convince them to let Dan get his ears pierced. Phil had beautiful tattoos, the one arm all black and white and geometric shapes, clean cut patterns of solid black in contrast with Phil’s very pale skin. His other arm was covered in watercolor pictures, bright and vibrant. Dan wondered how far up Phil’s arms the ink went, and if his chest was a blend of the two, and then Dan was thinking about Phil shirtless—  
“You like Muse?” Phil’s eyes fell onto the posters Dan had plastered across the dull walls. “And Fall Out Boy?” Phil turned to inspect the posters.   
“Yea, Muse is my favorite band.” Dan came to stand next to Phil, passing a hand over his shaved sides under Phil’s beanie and trying to forget the fact that he was just imagining Phil shirtless.   
“Mine too!” Phil turned his head to Dan, giving him that stupidly pretty smile. Dan grinned back. “You have a dimple!” Phil nearly squeaked, lifting a hand to poke at the indent in Dan’s cheek. Dan jerked his face away.  
“I know, I hate it.” He did. Stupid crater on the side of my face makes me look like a fucking child.   
“Why? It’s cute.” Phil tucked one of his hands into his jean pocket, the other reaching to ruffle his hair. Dan’s eyes followed Phil’s hand to his hair. He looks really sexy with his hair messy like that.   
“I just… I just don’t like it.” Dan passed a hand over his hair once, twice, again and again, tugging on the ends of the beanie, he sounded so fucking rude, why can’t I just take a fucking compliment--   
“DA Powell?” Phil had taken half a step to look closer at the books Dan had sitting on the shelf above his bed.   
“You’ve read his poems?”   
“I was an English major once remember? For like, a semester. Poetry was my favorite class.” Phil reached to pull the book from the shelf. “Cocktails is my favorite book.”  
“Mine too.” Dan smiled at Phil first, and Phil quickly returned the gesture, a thousand times brighter.   
“Who knew we would have so much in common!” Phil carefully placed the book back onto the shelf, hand going to ruffle his hair again. Dan immediately looked somewhere, anywhere else, before he started thinking about Phil and his hair and other times when it might be messed up like that.   
“Yea, yea it’s cool.” Dan passed a hand over his hair once, twice, again and again and again. Dan felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. And then again. “Sorry…” Dan pulled his phone from his pocket.

From: KitKat  
home yet? 

From: KitKat  
hello? DAN. ARE YOU FUCKING HIM OR NAH

“I should head back,” Phil drifted towards the doorway, pushing his hands into the pockets of his red jacket. “I don’t want o intrude. “  
“No, y-you’re fine….” Fuck, Dan’s grip on his phone grew tighter, he hated his stutter so fucking much, he didn’t really want Phil to leave but he didn’t have a reason to keep him here.   
“As much as I would love to relive the dorm life, I should get going. Make sure Liam doesn’t drink the entire case of beer with out me.” Phil smiled at Dan, who just sort of stood there, hands tight around his phone.  
“O-okay, yea, makes sense.” Dan looked back down at this phone. He suddenly didn’t want to text Cat anymore. He didn’t want to do much of anything anymore really.   
“Hey, let me give you my number, so you can get out of the dorm without having to bug PJ.” Phil held out his hand to Dan, expecting Dan to give him his phone. Dan quick shoved his phone into his pocket, there was no way he was giving Phil his phone while Cat was texting him.  
“M-my phone is, uh, almost dead, it died, literally right now, I-I uh...” Dan winced, looking down.   
“Okay, here!” Phil pushed his phone into Dan’s hands. “Just put your number I and I can text you.” Dan took Phil’s phone, being very careful not to touch anything but the phone, and quickly put his number in. “Thanks! I’ll text you when I get home!” Phil turned and left the room.   
“Wait! Hey!” Dan plucked the beanie from his head and held it out o Phil, who was already walking down the hallway. “You forgot your beanie.”   
“Nah, keep it. You look better in it than I do anyways!” And then Phil fucking winked at him, and turned the corner. Dan slammed the door closed, pushing his back up against it. He slid down the door, head in hands, groaning. His phone buzzed again in his pocket. Probably Cat. Definitely not Phil, he literally just left, why would he text Dan that quickly? He stood, tossing his phone onto the desk before flopping face down on the bed, Phil’s beanie still in his hands. His phone buzzed again, rattling against the wood desktop but Dan ignored it in favor of his laptop and Tumblr.   
Soon, Dan was slouched in his bed, scrolling through his dash and settled in for the night. He left the beanie on the bedpost next to his head, and he absolutely did not smile every time he caught sight of the worn brown hat in the corners of his vision. Because that would be silly and stupid and Dan fucking Howell was neither of those things.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Edited!

It was 2AM, and Dan was, of course, still awake. By the time he actually looked at the clock on his phone it was nearly 2:30. He yawned, stretching lazily out on his bed. Phil had texted him, around 10, when he had gotten back. Dan picked up his phone and scrolled through the texts, a small smile on his face. 

From: Unknown Number  
Hey Dan! ^-^ It’s Phil. Letting you know I got home safe! 

To: Phil!  
glad to hear it =P

From: Phil!  
I’m really glad you were able to make it tonight!

To: Phil!  
I’m glad I went it was really fun

From: Phil!  
Yay! ^-^

From: Phil  
Remember my door is always open. I know dorm life can suck ^-^

To: Phil!  
thanks, I might take you up on that. my RA is scary enthusiastic 

From: Phil!  
Oh, who’s your RA? I might know them!

To: Phil!  
tyler? he has bright purple hair 

 

From: Phil!  
Oh I know Tyler! He’s great. A lot of human, but great. 

To: Phil!   
yea I just don’t know how to tell him I don’t want to do any of the orientation stuff

From: Phil!  
Psh, Tyler spent his entire orientation week being blackout at frat parties.

To: Phil!  
tbh I am not surprised even one bit

From: Phil!  
But don’t tell him I told you that. He may never speak to me again D= 

To: Phil!  
your secrets safe with me =) 

Phil had never replied. To be fair, Dan had sent that text after midnight. Maybe Phil had gone to bed. Maybe he was just busy playing Mario Kart or hanging out with his roommates. There were hundreds of things Phil could be doing instead of texting Dan. He definitely wasn’t ignoring Dan, absolutely not.   
Dan sighed, rolling over to plug his phone into he power strip next to his bed. His laptop was placed on his desk (because the room was so small and he was so damn tall that he could reach it from his bed), and Dan sighed again and rubbed his eyes. Maybe it was time to sleep. 

He stretched to flip the switch on his desk lamp and close the lid of his laptop. The tiny room felt strangely huge in the dark. He pressed the heels of his hands hard against his eyes, watching the purple orange bursts fill the dark behind his eyelids. Dan suddenly regretted not buying fairy lights or something to light up his room. He knew it was stupid, and embarrassing and fucking childish but he was so, so scared of the dark.

Maybe it had something to do with his anxiety. His parents had dragged him to therapy a year ago, trying to convince him that he needed to get fixed, get better. Dan couldn’t remember her name just that she always wore those designer shoes with red on the bottom and she was obsessively interested in Dan’s fear of the dark as the root of his anxiety. As soon as his parents learned about medication, therapy was mysteriously not an option. Medication was easier. Just toss your son a bottle and he’ll be fine, just fine, he can still be a lawyer, still be someone to be proud of, because modern science creates these magic pills that can just fix him—  
Dan sat up straight in the bed, hands yanking on the hair on the top of his head. Stop it, stop it, stop it. God they were so happy to get you out of their hair weren’t they? Drop you off at college to become a lawyer so happy so proud imagine what Dad would think if his fucking fairy of a son said “I want to be a poet Dad”—  
His hands ran over his shaved sides once and twice and again and again and the darkness in the room got bigger and smaller and Dan’s chest twisted, his ribs shriveling in and he pressed his palms against his head. Why hadn’t he just bought fairy lights, why was he so stupid he knew, he knew he was a coward, God, I’m a stupid, pathetic piece—window, I could open the—  
Dan swung his feet off his bed and reached his hand out to press on the thick slippery glass. His hand scrabbled for the latch; he needed to get the fucking thing open. Finally he found it, but his hands were shaking and his breath was fogging up the window. Fucking c’mon, and he shoved the pane up.  
A blast of balmy August air blew through the open window. Dan sucked in huge, gulping breaths, filling and emptying his lungs, breathing, breathing, breathing. His hands pressed against the bottom of the window and his head was down, letting the air pass through the hair at the top of his head.   
Breathing, breathing was good. Nothing like a panic attack to start of the college experience. Fuck, he was such a mess.

Dan had no idea how much time passed just standing at the open window and trying desperately not to think about anything but the cool air and the weird orange lights of the walkways below and the soft rush of the traffic a block away.   
Eventually his found the motivation to pull the window mostly shut, leaving it just a crack open so that a breeze could find its way into the room. He curled himself into the sheets on his bed, squeezing his eyes shut and desperately trying to shut his brain off.

All he could focus on was the darkness of the room and the sound of his heartbeat and his breathing in his ears, how could his own body be so fucking deafening.   
Dan flipped over, reaching a hand out for his phone. He clicked the lock button, wincing when the brightness nearly blinded him. It was nearly 5AM. Dan pulled up his white noise app, scrolling through a few soundscapes before settling on the sound of an office environment. He turned the volume all the way up and tucked the phone under the edge of his pillow, rolling over and closing his eyes again.   
He used to fall asleep to the sound of his mother typing on the old keyboard in the room next to his bedroom, and there was something soothing about clacking on the keys and the shifting and creaking of the old office chair.  
Dan stared with determination at the backs of his eyelids, suppressing every possible train of thought that wasn’t related to sleep and the memory of the green and yellow spotted dinosaur night light on the wall next to his bed in his old room.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Edited!

Dan was wandering around off campus, hands shoved into the pockets of his skinny jeans. It was such a nice night, and he could see so many stars through the branches of the trees that lined the road. He stood still for a while, just watching the stars glinting in the sky above him, pulling him into a swirling vortex of silver bright and velvet blue.   
“Dan!” a voice brought him back. “Dan!” Phil was running to Dan, reaching out and grabbing his hands when he reached him.   
“Hey,” Dan spoke softly, stepping closer.  
“Hey yourself!” Phil replied, grinning so wide his tongue stuck out the side of his mouth. “I’m so glad you made it!” Phil turned and pulled Dan with him through the front door of the Gallery, and then into the house. Dan sat at the huge dining table that he didn’t remember being there, staring at the baskets and boxes of nail polish that covered the wooden top.  
“Wow…” Dan breathed. Phil sat beside him.  
“I told you this color would look perfect on you!” Phil took Dan’s hand in his, lifting it so that the purple nail polish caught the light. Dan loved it, smiling widely.   
“I love it.”  
“I knew you would!” Phil pulled Dan up, spinning him around, dancing with him, their hands intertwined, purple and black nail polish catching the lights. Dan felt breathless, but he wasn’t so afraid of not breathing, he just felt like laughing and maybe he felt a bit dizzy. They stopped spinning for a moment, and Dan stumbled forward, falling into Phil’s open arms and suddenly everything stopped moving and everything was warm and soft and Dan swore he could hear Phil’s heartbeat—  
“Daaaaan!” Someone was knocking very, very aggressively on Dan’s door. “Get up lazy bum!” Groaning, Dan got out of bed, shuffling to the door. He opened it warily, only to be greeted by a chipper Tyler. “Good morning Dan!”  
“….”  
“We’re going for brunch at the dinning hall in twenty minutes! Meet us in the main lobby!” Tyler spun on his heel and bounced over to the next door. Dan shut his door and immediately fell back into his bed, shoving his face into his pillow. He just wanted to go back to sleep and continue that dream he had been having… Ugh. Stupid dream and my stupid fucking… ugh. Dan didn’t want to get up and he didn’t want to do anything today. All he wanted was to go back to sleep and maybe, just maybe slip back into that dream, which certainly had nothing to do with Phil or his nail polish or the holding hands or blue, blue eyes, not even a bit. Nope.   
His white noise app was still playing. Dan grabbed his phone, silenced “office environment” and went through his usual checking apps morning routine.   
He had a few texts, several from Cat and one from Phil. He, of course, checked the one from Phil first.

From: Phil  
Gooooood morning!!! ^-^ Sorry I fell asleep on you last night!

To: Phil  
no worries. I fell asleep around then too

Technically it wasn’t a lie. “Around then” was a very vague term. 

From: KitKat  
Daaaaaaaaaaanuuuul answer me!

From: KitKat  
Dan? But actually, answer so I know this mysterious Phil hasn’t killed you and hidden the body.

From: KitKat  
Dan.

From: KitKat  
DAN

To: KitKat  
calm down I’m fine I just fell asleep after he left nothing happened 

He felt his stomach twist weirdly when he saw the missed call notification from Doug. Part of him almost hoped for a voicemail or a text, a sober one, apologizing. But Dan honestly should know better. He wasn’t going to hear from his ex-whatever again until he was drunk or high or horny again. He needed to stop thinking about all this. It kinda made him feel sick.

Dan locked his phone, turning over to try and get more sleep, but the insistent buzzing of an incoming text interrupted that.

From: KitKat  
Nothing happened? Like nothing nothing?

To: KitKat  
well I got his number

From: KitKat  
YAS GURL

To: KitKat  
too early for all caps 

From: KitKat  
NEVER  
So, have you been texting constantly?

To: KitKat  
not really cause we both went to sleep so

From: KitKat  
But you totally like him, right? RIGHT

To: KitKat  
I guess

From: KitKat  
=)))))))))))))

More knocking on his door.  
“Dan! Are you coming to brunch with the rest of us?” Dan groaned at the sound of Tyler’s overly bright voice. Maybe if he ignored him, he would go away… “Dan?” more knocking. Dan dragged himself out of bed and opened the door for the second time that morning to see Tyler standing in his doorway.   
“I, uh, d-don’t feel much up to brunch, actually. I, uh, I’m super tired, not a morning person really…” Dan tugged on the loose t-shirt he had worn to bed. Tyler wouldn’t stop fucking looking at Dan, Jesus fucking Christ does he ever blink?  
“Okay! Well, if you can’t come to brunch, you should be at the quad party tonight, the weather’s supposed to be gorgeous! There’ll be outdoor games, and activities and—“  
“Cool, yea, cool, I’m just… gunna go back to bed…”  
“So I’ll see you tonight?”  
“Sure?”  
“Awesome!” Tyler gave a huge smile, which Dan barely had the energy to return. He shut the door, turning around to flop onto his mattress. Dan was not going to some outdoor party thing tonight, no fucking way. What he really needed to do was go shopping, get to a convince store or something, and get fairy lights and some microwavable food that would fit into his mini fridge. Dan ruffled his hair, making it stand on end and probably making it look like shit. He needed to shower too.   
Dan gathered up everything he needed to shower, tossing his pajamas into the hamper crammed in the back of his closet and wrapping a towel around his waist. Before leaving his room, Dan grabbed his phone. 

From: Peej  
Hey, thanks again for coming out with me last night! They said you were welcome at The Gallery any time!

To: Peej  
thanks pj! 

Dan hesitated before asking about places he could do shopping, he didn’t want to bother PJ. He could always ask Phil? But he didn’t want to bother Phil either. He could always just Google it anyways. Dan tossed his phone onto his bed and left his room, careful to grab his key before leaving. 

Dan found the nearest Wal-Mart pretty easily, dressed in his favorite pair of dark skinny jeans and a nearly see-through black short-sleeved top. It was an article of clothing he loved dearly but had never been able to wear at home, it was entirely too feminine for his father’s taste. But, hey, Dan’s Dad wasn’t here at college, so Dan could wear whatever the fuck he wanted. And, to be completely honest, Dan enjoyed the breeze.   
Once in Wal-Mart, Dan definitely got a little bit caught up in the frozen food section debating and whether or not it was practical to try and fit ice cream into the tiny freezer in his mini fridge, but he selected a few of his favorite frozen meals (and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s) and moved on to try and find some fairy lights.  
On his way to the home décor section he passed by the bright florescent lights of the make-up section, a display catching his eye. Dan lingered by the rows of nail polish, eying up a particular bottle. It was a dark, dark purple, nearly black.   
Why the fuck not? Dan grabbed the bottle, tucking it in between two frozen meals before speed walking to his original destination.   
After chucking two boxes of fairy lights into his cart, Dan pushed his cart towards the checkout, hoping and praying that the self checkout was open because putting on this particular outfit took enough courage, and having to buy nail polish while wearing this shirt from a real person just was not something Dan wanted to deal with today.   
The self checkout was open, and Dan rushed through it, just wanting to get back to his room and hang his fairy lights and go right back to bed. 

However, dragging five bags of groceries down the side of the two-lane highway while trying to remember how to get back to campus was just too much for Dan to deal with. All he wanted to do was flop down on the side of the road under that conveniently placed tree and just rest but he was carrying ice cream and frozen things…   
Dan was pretty sure he was lost. He stopped at an intersection, placing his bags down and fishing his phone out of his pocket, opening his map and waiting impatiently for it to load.   
And then someone fucking honked, and Dan jumped, his head snapping up. What asshole…. oh. In front of him, at the stoplight, was a very beat-up looking pale blue truck, being driven by none other than Phil.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Edited! This chapter definitely changed the most.

(Phil’s POV)

“Phil!” PJ jostled his friend’s shoulder, pointing across Phil towards the driver’s side window.   
“What?” Phil didn’t take his eyes off the stop light. He was the first in the lane, and he usually got way too distracted at stoplights and missed the light turning green and then got honked at, and Phil hated getting honked at.   
“Phil, just…” PJ pointed again. “Look!” Phil glanced out the window, and spotted a figure in all black standing on the side of the road. That ruffled undercut looked awfully familiar….  
HONK HONK!  
“DAN!”   
“PJ! Oh my god, don’t honk my horn!” Phil tried to push PJ back into his seat, but his friend was being insistent. Phil looked back to see the boy, who was definitely Dan, looking very startled and a little bit scared. And, of course, so very adorable.   
“Dan, c’mon, we’ll give you a ride!” PJ continued shouting. Phil watched Dan weight his options, glancing at the truck and then the light and then down to the bags at his feet and then up to meet Phil’s eyes. Phil grinned at him, so wide his tongue stuck out from between his teeth, he couldn’t help it. Dan was just too damn cute.  
“Yea, hurry, before the light changes!” Phil shouted, and Dan grabbed his bags and ran around the truck. PJ opened the door and practically dragged Dan into the truck, shoving the boy to sit on the consul between Phil and PJ.   
“Funny seeing you here, huh?” Peej shuffled Dan’s bags around, grinning at the boy squished in between them.  
“Y-yea, I was just out, uh shopping.” He gestured to the bags. The light finally turned green and Phil hit the gas, making the car lurch a little bit. Dan squeaked at the sudden movement, reaching out to grab Phil’s shoulder.  
“Sorry about that!” Phil smiled apologetically. “She’s a bit shaky.” He tried very hard to focus on the road and not on Dan’s warm hand and how nice it felt on his arm.   
“It’s fine.” They went around the corner, and Dan tightened his grip as he swayed.   
“So,” PJ had most of Dan’s grocery bags in his lap. “I’m assuming you were headed back to the dorm?”   
“Yea.”  
“Perfect, Phil was just driving me there!”   
“Because someone didn’t feel like walking in this beautiful weather,” Phil accused, slowing the car and flipping on his turn signal. Dan’s hand had loosened on his shoulder, but he had left it there, and Phil wasn’t complaining.   
“It’s hot outside! And why walk when my good friend Phil has a perfectly wonderful car.” Peej relaxed back into his seat, grinning.  
“I wouldn’t say perfectly anything, she’s mostly just operational.” Phil turned the car onto campus. Walking to campus was so much easier, driving you have to go the long way; you couldn’t cut between the buildings.   
“She works, and that’s what counts right?”   
“Whatever.” Phil rolled his eyes. Dan’s hand dropped from Phil’s shoulder once they got on campus, much to Phil’s disappointment. Despite the heat, Phil still missed the warm weight of Dan’s hand. Out of the corner of his eye, Phil watched Dan ran his hands over the back of his head, eyes fixed on his lap. “You should have called me Dan, so you didn’t have to walk back with so many bags.” Dan just shrugged, sending Phil’s brain in to overdrive. Had he made Dan feel uncomfortable?   
“Here we are!” PJ shouted, barely waited for Phil to stop the truck in front of Wellington before opening the door and hopping out, taking three of the bags with him. “Thanks for the ride Philly!”  
“Yea, anytime! Same thing goes for you.” Phil nudged Dan with his shoulder, giving him a small smile, which only grew when Dan returned it with a warm smile of his own.  
“Y-yea, of course.” Dan shuffled out of the car, hopping down next to PJ. The two of them waved goodbye and walked towards the front door. Phil watched them go, waiting until they had gotten in the front door before driving off. 

Phil sighed, leaning back against the seat and turning up his music until Muse rattled his rear view mirror. Eyes fixed on the red light in front of him, Phil silently listed off his to do list for the day. Laundry, call Mom, go grocery shopping, laundry, call Mom, go grocery shopping, laundry…  
The light turned green and Phil hit the gas. He needed to get home, and do his endless list of stuff. Or I could just go home and play Uncharted 4…  
Finally, Phil pulled into the small driveway next to the Gallery. Just as he turned off the car, his phone buzzed.

From: Troyeee  
are you going to the party tonight?

Phil frowned to himself as he took the porch steps two at a time. 

To: Troyeee  
what party?

From: Troyeee  
freshman welcome party for theater kids

Ah, that party. 

“Phiiiiiil!” Louise was sitting on the couch on her laptop. “You get Peej back safe and sound?”  
“Of course I did.” Phil leaned over the back of the couch, tucking his chin over Louise’s head and watching her scroll through her Facebook feed in silence for a moment. She always smelled sweet and clean, like home, like lavender blooms in summer sun and dryer sheets his mother used. “Where are Chris and Liam?”  
“Chris is still sleeping as far as I know. Liam and Skyler disappeared after you left, something about brunch.”  
“Ah.” Phil stood up. What was his to-do list? Laundry, call Mom, grocery shopping…  
“So.” Louise was giving Phil that look, that I know you have something to tell me look.  
“So?”  
“Have a seat Philly.” She patted the space on the couch next to her.   
“Can I put my laundry in the thing first?”  
“You have to come back!”  
“Yea, yea.” Phil ruffled Louise’s hair and then turned to take the stairs house three at a time, nearly tripping and dying, but made to his room safety. He left the door open (the Gallery had an open door policy for pretty much everything except the front door), and tossed his jacket onto his desk chair, only remembering that he had a text from Troye when his phone fell from his pocket.

To: Troyeee  
I thought that was next weekend?

From: Troyeee  
nah, all the freshman are here for orientation so the event changed to today Friday instead of next Friday.

Phil tucked his phone into his back pocket, quick grabbing his laundry basket and lugging it down the stairs. He always really enjoyed going to the theater parties, they were always super fun and never got weird or out of control. They also always somehow felt safe, unlike some other random parties Phil had wandered into. He tossed his laundry into the washer, not bothering to change the settings because really what does that do anyways, and then checked his phone.

From: Troyeee  
I really want to go but I don’t want to go by myself and my housemates are boring af and won’t go with meeeee.

To: Troyeee  
Maybe; would you care if I brought someone else? 

From: Troyee  
As long as they aren’t an asshole idc.

Phil turned and plopped down onto the couch. Louise put her feet on his lap, still on her computer.   
“Who ya texting?”  
“Troye. That theater party is tonight, and he’s looking for someone to go with.” 

To: Troyeee  
Cool, I’ll text you around 6 and let you know?

From: Troyee  
Ye sounds goooooood =)

“You going to go?” Louise twisted one of her pink and blond curls around her manicured nail.   
“Yea. I’ve got some people to catch up with anyways.” Phil put his phone down, picking at his nail polish. It was an awful habit.  
“You keep picking at those nails and I’ll have to paint them again.” Louise gently kicked at his hands. She was the one who had taught Phil how to paint his nails. The two of them had met when Louise found Phil having a panic attack before a test in his stupid statistics class, and instead of passing by the weirdo sitting in the dirt, she had sat and explained to him why she thought all boys should paint their nails. She hadn’t left him alone until he had calmed down. The first time they ever hung out consisted of painting each other’s nails and watching dumb movies, and the rest was history. Phil frowned, looking down at his left hand.   
“I can’t stop picking them.”  
“I know.” Louise eyed him carefully.  
“What are you looking at me like that for?”  
“I’m not looking at you like anything!” She grinned, eyes going back to her laptop.   
“Liar.” The two sat in a comfortable silence for a moment, Louise on her laptop and Phil on his phone.

To: Dan =)))))  
Hey, remember that theater freshman welcome party I mentioned? It got moved to tonight, and I’m going, you want to come with? 

“So, what did you think of Dan?” Louise finally asked, not looking at Phil.  
“Oh, he was really… nice.”  
“Also super cute.”  
“Yea.”  
“And you walked him home.”  
“Yea?” Phil watched Louise raise her eye brows at him. “I just… didn’t want him walking on his own!”  
“Phil Lester you are too nice for you own good.” Phil rolled his eyes, glancing back at his phone. Dan hadn’t texted him back yet, maybe he freaked him out today? Who picks up people the just met from the side of the road anyways? “You really like him don’t you?”  
“I met him yesterday!” Phil protested.   
“And?” Louise was the nosiest person he had ever met.   
“And you were looking at him with freaking heart eyes!” Phil groaned and rolled his eyes. “For the record, I like him.” Louise’s smile only got wider.   
“You just met him.”  
“So?” Louis shrugged. “Also I think it was really sweet that you got him out of a panic attack.” Phil looked back at his nails. Of anyone in this house who would notice that, it would be Louise.  
“Yea, well I learned from the best.” The two smiled at each other for a moment.  
“You invited him to the party tonight, didn’t you?”  
“Maybe.” Phil couldn’t help but grin, his tongue poking out of his teeth. Louise grinned back.  
“Then what are you doing here? Go fix your nails boy, you have a date tonight!” Louise chucked a pillow at Phil as he stood.   
“It’s not a date!” Phil yelled over his shoulder. Once he was back in his room, he closed the door and opened his window before grabbing the crate of nail polish paraphernalia he had acquired over the past few years. He still needed to call his Mom. Grocery shopping could wait.   
“Hey Mom!” Phil turned her on speaker and grabbed the nail polish remover and a few cotton balls.   
“Hi Phil! How’d moving in go, I’m so sorry we couldn’t help you this year.” Her voice sounded weird and scratchy through the speaker.  
“It went fine, I didn’t have that much to move in anyways.” Phil carefully went about removing all the black nail polish. “Really just, like, clothes and stuff.”  
“Still, it’s the first year we haven’t been able to move you in! How are the roommates?”   
“They’re all good, yea.” He couldn’t decide between a royal blue or a rusty burgundy. Choices are hard.   
“PJ make it safe to school?”  
“Yea, he made it fine. How’s everyone at home?”  
“Oh, we’re all fine, but my goodness, your sister is driving me insane, I swear she does just to give me gray hairs!” Phil smiled softly, listening to his mother chat on and on as he painted his nails. He kept glancing back to his phone, waiting for Dan to text him back. After probably too long of an internal debate, Phil decided on royal blue, nodding and uhu-ing to reassure his mother that he was still listening as she regaled him with tales of his younger sister getting into more trouble than Phil could ever even begin to image.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Edited!

(Dan’s POV)

Being picked up from the side of the road by a cute upperclassman was simultaneously the best and worst thing to ever happen to Dan Howell. On one hand, sitting this close to Phil and having a perfect excuse to hang on to his arm was wonderful and amazing, but the on other hand, Dan was pretty sure he was sweating everywhere and was he making Phil feel awkward, and couldn’t stop thining oh my god why don’t I have anything to say, I am literally and idiot.  
Finally, Phil pulled up to Wellington and Dan hopped out and followed PJ into their dorm.  
“Aren’t you glad I honked at you?” PJ pressed the button to call the elevator.  
“Y-yea, I, uh, it was hotter than I thought I was going to be.” Dan followed PJ into the elevator.  
“Tell me about it, this is weird weather. It was, what, in the fifties last night? And now it’s nearly seventy?”  
“Yea, fucking weird.” Dan replied, thanking every deity in existence when he didn’t stutter. They finally reached their floor and exited, PJ following Dan to his room. Once inside, Dan dumped all his bags on his bed. “Thanks PJ.”  
“Yea, no problem!” PJ turned to leave, and he was about half way out the door before he turned back around. “Oh, yea, and, I don’t plan on going to that quad thing tonight, just by the way.”  
“No, yea, me either.”  
“Cool, perfect. So if I come running to hide in your room from Tyler—“  
“I completely understand.” PJ gave Dan a brilliant smile before leaving, and Dan closed the door behind him. 

Once he was in his empty room, Dan groaned and ran his hands across his hair, once and then twice and then he started the process of forcing all his food into the tiny freezer in his tiny fridge. Not that playing Tetris with frozen dinners and ice cream wasn’t exciting, but Dan’s brain was doing that thing where every was just a little bit fuzzy and he just couldn’t focus. His mind kept wandering back to Phil sitting in his pale blue truck and just how loud he had played his music driving away and Phil’s arm and shoulder that didn’t feel too muscly but not too flabby, kinda toned and—  
Dan had been staring at his Ben and Jerry’s for several minutes just thinking about Phil. God, I’m so fucking pathetic. Dan shoved the ice cream into the freezer, shutting the door before anything could fall out.

Fairy lights next then. Dan flopped onto his bed, reaching for the last bag. He placed the boxes of lights next to him, carefully taking the bottle of nail polish and placing it on his desk. Later, nail polish can be a later kind of thing. Somewhere in Dan’s pocket, his phone buzzed, once and then twice. 

From: Mom  
Hey Sweetie!!! Just checking in on you. Also reminding you to take your meds with a good breakfast!

Shit. Dan had completely forgotten his meds. Dan jumped from his bed, scrambling to his feet and getting to his closet. On the bottom shelf probably meant for shoes Dan had placed a little Tupperware box. Inside where his wonderful variety of magical beans, as Cat sarcastically called them. Dan’s had a strange habit of never throwing away pills. Maybe it had something to do with his parents’ firm belief that medication would finally be the thing that fixed their kid, or maybe just the fact that Dan was a packrat. Whatever it was, Dan had always felt a weird guilt about throwing away medicine, which meant that he had collected quite a variety. Pain killers from when he got his wisdom teeth out, muscle relaxants from that brief period in his life when muscle tension seemed to be his primary problem, and lots and lots of anxiety medication, including but not limited to anti depressants and sedatives.  
All in a clear bin, tucked away in his closet. Such a druggie.  
Dan pulled out the meds he was supposed to take daily, but hesitated. He really hadn’t had any food today, and he knew that meds and no food meant feeling weird and sick all day.  
He could just remember to take them tomorrow. Dan took his daily meds and put everything back, tucking the one bottle behind his desk lamp.  
Tomorrow. I will take my meds tomorrow. 

To: Mom  
Im doing good, and I took my meds. 

From: Phil!  
Hey, remember that theater freshman welcome party I mentioned? It got moved to tonight, and I’m going, you want to come with? 

Dan’s heart and stomach did a well-choreographed flip together. Dan was incredibly tempted to just say yes, but there were so many reasons to not go. One, people, two, no meds, three his brain was already unfocused and kinda weird, four, what the hell would he even wear, five, he would just embarrass himself.  
Dan checked his phone back onto his bed, deciding to not worry about party invitations from cute boys until he had his fairy lights hung. Wow, could I get any more gay? He huffed out a half-hearted laugh at his own joke.  
A few curse words, plenty of tape, and about thirty minutes later Dan was laying on his bed, the curtains to his window drawn tight so that the room was lit by soft amber and blue fairy lights. It was pretty much perfect.  
Dan knew he should check his phone. His mom had probably texted him back. He should really, really text Phil back. Dan ran a hand over his head once and then twice and then again and again and again before reaching for his phone.

From: Mom  
That’s wonderful! Enjoying your college experience so far? 

To: Mom  
yea, it’s fine

From: Phil!  
You don’t have to, and we don’t need to stay long! We can just make an appearance and I can introduce you to some people.

Pros and cons, okay, pros and cons… Dan knew there were so many cons, there always were. Pros? Spending time with Phil. That might be it. Somewhere inside of Dan he knew there was the embarrassing and pathetic thought that maybe, spending time with Phil was enough. 

To: Phil!  
if you’re going I might as well. I don’t really go to parties much though

From: Phil!  
That’s okay! I’ll stick with you all night, promise. We would have to walk though, there’s no parking.

To: Phil!  
walking’s fine

From: Phil!  
Yay! ^-^ I can meet you outside Wellington around 11? It’s like a 10 minute walk there.

To: Phil!  
sure, sounds good.

Dan rolled over, pressing his hands to his face. He was grinning stupidly wide, unable to keep himself from smiling. He was going to a party, and actual college party with a college boy.  
Fuck I need something to wear. Dan jumped form his bed, throwing his closet open and glaring at his clothes.  
Dan didn’t have the faintest idea of what you wear to a house party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yay! That's all for the editing for now! Stay tuned for another chapter late tonight maybe <3


	11. AN Update

herro friends

i ended up going down to Orlando for a while, and now i am back at home and i really want to keep writing this story  
i'm going to do a ton of editing work on everything so far, add a chapter in the middle (because i left a whole scene out cause i didn't know how to write it oops), and then delete these two AN chapters at some point.

thanks for your patience and kindness

~M


	12. Chapter 11

(Dan’s POV)

“But Cat, what if I look awful!” Dan whined into the phone, frowning at himself in the full-length mirror.   
“Don’t even start, I know you look hot as fuck.” Cat reassured her friend from miles away. She had somehow convinced Dan into his tightest pair of black skinny jeans and a black shirt with a white “Parent Advisory” label plastered across his chest. It was technically Cat’s shirt, one he had borrowed it after a disastrous night turned into a sleepover in her basement and she insisted he keep it. Said it just fit him better.   
“I don’t… am I too casual? Like, it’s a t-shirt and jeans…”  
“Yea, but its painted on jeans that make your ass look great,” Dan could just tell Cat was smirking, “And a cute t-shirt that, from what I remember, has the perfect cut to show off your adorable twink figure.”  
“My what figure?”  
“How do I know more gay slang than you?” Cat sighed, exasperated and over exaggerated.   
“Cause you’re friends with all the gays.”   
“They are my people. But seriously, Dan, I know you look fine. If you’re really that unsure, just Face Time me and I’ll tell you again just how amazing you look.”  
“I’m good I think, but thanks Kit.”  
“Any time Danny Boy.” Dan tugged at the end of his shirt, looking himself up and down over and over.   
“Should I wear a jacket?” Dan turned back to his closet, tucking the phone between his shoulder and his ear and rifling through his closet.   
“Absolutely not!”   
“Why?” Dan frowned, giving up on his closet and just collapsing into his bed.   
“Cause, if you get cold, you want him to give you your jacket. Besides, isn’t it, like seventy degrees?”  
“It’s dark outside actually, and somehow the world has gotten colder, I don’t know if you’ve heard of this thing called the sun—“  
“Oh my god, stop being such a fucking prick!” Cat giggled, the two of them falling silent. Dan dropped the phone, putting Cat on speaker and lying in bed. “I miss you.” Cat finally broke the silence.  
“I miss you too.” Dan turned his head, staring at the black phone lying on his pillow. “Wish you where here so I…”   
“Didn’t have to make new friends?”  
“Yea, pretty much. That’s the only reason I keep you around, just so I don’t have to meet new people.”  
“Yea, that sounds like effort, how gross.” Dan could hear the smile in her voice, her wide, unapologetic, toothy smile.  
“The worst.”   
“You’ll make plenty of friends in no time.” Dan ran his hands through his hair.   
“Yea, but…”  
“But what?”  
“But they aren’t you. Ya know? Like, they… They aren’t you, they won’t just get it I have a breakdown or a, or, they won’t… they won’t just forgive me when I stutter, or when I—“  
“They’ll love you.” Dan fell silent. Hands pressed into his eyes, his heart beating just too fast. He always felt like he was a few moments away from another horrible panic attack. “You’re easy to love Dan, and I wouldn’t just say that.”  
“You’re… I love you.” He could feel the nervousness melting from his chest. He wished Cat was going with him so badly.   
“You better love me boy.” Dan grinned at the phone, an easy grin. “Shit, I have to go.” Cat sighed heavily into the phone. “I hate the night shift so much.”   
“The worst.”  
“Text me and let me know how tonight goes!”   
“I will, promise.”  
“Byyyyyyyye!”   
“Bye.” Dan watched the phone until Cat ended the call. The screen went black and Dan closed his eyes, squeezing until he saw purple orange bursts. His stomach was all knotted up and his brain was drifting and fuzzing and taking little spins everywhere. Great day to skip the meds. He was going to be weird all night. 

Dan clicked the home button on his phone. It was only 9PM, and Phil wasn’t coming by until 11. Guess he was just going to worry the hours away then. Dan groaned, curling up on his side, staring up at his fairy lights and around his room.  
His eyes caught the bottle of nail polish, sitting innocently on his desk.   
Hesitantly, Dan reached for it, wrapping his hands around the little thing. Again, Dan found himself asking why not?   
Because, your father didn’t raise a fucking fairy. Dan flinched internally, hearing the snapping voice in the back of his head. He quickly put the bottle back, rolling over so he didn’t have to look at it. Why did he even buy the stupid nail polish anyways, if he was too much of a coward to wear it?   
Why did he do anything if he was just going to chicken out halfway through? What was the fucking point, really? Dan squeezed his eyes shut, hands passing over his shaved sides once and twice and again and again and again cause he was so fucking useless he couldn’t follow through on anything, he should just cancel on Phil now, Phil would probably be thrilled that Dan canceled, Phil absolutely asked him to go out of pity, or obligation or—  
Dan’s phone buzzed on the pillow next to him. 

From: Phil!  
Hey, I completely forgot to eat food today (oooops ^-^) and I’m going to walk to Chipotle, it’s literally on the way to my friends place. Join me?

Dan stared at the words on the screen, blinking and blinking and blinking again because he surely was delusional or imagining it or he fell asleep and this was a dream. He pinched his arm. Nope, not a dream. Well, if throwing caution to the wind was the theme of today, Dan might as well. Right? What could possible go wrong? Everything, his brain helpfully supplied. Or, nothing? 

To: Phil!  
sure! I haven’t eaten much either tbh

From: Phil!  
YAY! I’ll walk over to Wellington and text you when I get there?

To: Phil!  
sounds good! 

Dan had never been so simultaneously nervous and excited and terrified before. 

To: KitKat  
holy fuck me he just invited me to get chipotle with him rip me

From: KitKat  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAS GURL GET IT

From: KitKat  
You HAVE TO keep me updated all night, even if I don’t answer

To: KitKat  
yea, yea, will do

From: KitKat  
K, I’m driving so bye and also gET IT BOY

To: KitKat  
XD

Dan tucked his phone into one pocket, wallet in the other and grabbed his keys. He hurried to stand in front of his mirror for the millionth time in the last hour, fixing and re-fixing his hair and the way his shirt fell over his jeans.   
Time felt like it was crawling, Dan just really wanted Phil to be here but he also almost wanted tonight to never happen because he knew that he was going to fuck it up, he was probably going to fuck it up somehow, statistically it was more likely tonight was going to go horribly, and really, who was Dan kidding?  
He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing, breathing, focusing on breathing when his phone buzzed.

From: Phil!  
Hey! I’m outside the main doors ^-^

Dan made sure his door was locked and his stomach was done doing those stupid flips before rushing to the elevator and hitting the button for the lobby. For better or for worse, tonight was going to happen. And Dan was going to do his best to enjoy it, anxiety be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: thank you so so much for reading! let me know what you think of the story, please, comments literally keep me writing <3


	13. Chapter 12

(Phil POV)

Phil loved his friends more than anything, but he also absolutely hated them.   
“You’re literally the gayest person I have ever met.”  
“Liam!” Skyler whacked her boyfriend on the arm. Phil was standing in the upstairs hallway shirtless, trying to get his roommates to help him pick a shirt.   
“Since when does caring about your appearance make you gay?” Louise demanded, giving Liam a glare.  
“You know what I mean! He’s literally fussing over his outfit before going on a date with a boy!”  
“It’s not a—“  
“Not a date, yea sure.” Chris raised an eyebrow at Phil suggestively. “You’re not going on a date tonight and I’m still a virgin.” Louise and Liam cackled, leaving Phil to frown and cross his arms.  
“Guys! C’mon just help me! Please.”   
“I think you’ll look adorable in whatever you decide to wear Philip.” Skyler gave her friend a cheesy grin.   
“Not helpful Sky.”   
“I vote you wear your Gengar shirt!” Chris chimed in. Phil turned back to his room, digging through his t shirt drawer.  
“Isn’t that a little casual?”  
“For fuck’s sake, it’s a house party Phil” Liam joined Phil in his room, helping him find the shirt. “And your Gengar shirt is literally so soft.”   
“Also purple is a great color on you!” Louise chirped.  
“And it shows off your tattoos!” Sky added.   
“Found it!” Phil pulled the shirt from his drawer and pulled it on. He stood in front of his friends, arms out. “What do you guys think?  
“I mean, I’d fuck you.” Chris gave Phil an smirk, wiggling his eye brows.   
“Chris!” Louise scolded.   
“You look great Phil.” Liam clapped Phil on the back before walking around him and out of the room. “Sky and I are going downtown to get food, anyone want to join?”  
“Nah, I’ve got a night of binge watching calling my name.” Louise replied.  
“Chris?”  
“I am not third wheeling with you losers.” Chris flopped dramatically onto the floor. “Besides, I’ve been given the job of getting to campus and walking all the freshman to the party. So.”  
“What a great introduction to the department!” Louise said. “You’re just so charming.”  
“Well then, we’re going.” Skyler turned and tugged Liam down the stairs.  
“See you at the party!” Liam called over his should before the door closed behind him. Louise gave Chris’ head one last nudge before going into her room. Phil stepped over Chris and into the upstairs bathroom, inspecting himself in the mirror. He flattened his hair and ruffled it and flattened it again, then tugging on the end of his t-shirt so that it fell just right over his dark skinny jeans.   
“Hey Louise.”  
“Yes dear?” Louise poked her head around the doorway.   
“Dumb question. Does my nail polish really match this? Or should I chose a different shirt?” Phil heard Chris snort from the floor.  
“Liam was right, you really are so gay.”  
“Chris!” Louise said before turning to Phil. “You look wonderful. Everything looks fine.”  
“Okay.” Phil sighed and then turned to cross back into his room. He picked up his phone, seeing a text from Troye.

From: Troyeee  
hey my man sorry to ditch you but I got roped into the liquor run and jungle juice making =((((( i’ll catch you there, yea?

To: Troyeee  
Sure, no problem! 

“When are you leaving?” Louise asked.  
“I said I would pick him up at 11, so like 10:45?” Phil answered, leaning on the door frame.   
“Pick him up. Yea. Totally not a date.” Chris stood from the floor.  
“Well why don’t you bring your boyfriend?” Louise shot back.  
“He’s not my boyfriend!” Chris shouted over his shoulder, ducking into his room to change. Phil rolled his eyes, flopping stomach down onto his bed and scrolling through Twitter on his phone. Louise and Chris continued to argue, Chris standing pants-less in the doorway to his room and insisting that PJ was not his boyfriend and Louise leaning out her bedroom door in her rolling chair and smirking at him.

Chris and Peej probably weren’t boyfriends, but Phil was willing to bet his college tuition savings that they were something. Something floating in the weird mutual attraction but we haven’t talked yet cause we’re dumb and awkward space. After a few minutes of arguing, Chris gave up and went into his room to change and Phil could faintly hear the theme song of Friends from Louise’s room. It was barely 9PM, and Phil just wanted 10:45 to be here already so he could go pick up Dan. As if on cue, Phil’s stomach grumbled loudly. He may or may not have completely forgotten to eat today. Whoops. Phil forced himself out of his bed and trudged down the stairs. It wasn’t until he had opened the fridge that he remembered that he was supposed to have gone grocery shopping today, because the fridge was pretty much empty. He was pretty sure he didn’t even have pasta in the cupboards.   
“Hey Louise!” Phil shouted up the staircase.   
“Hey what?”  
“Do you have any food I could have? I forgot about shopping today.”  
“All I have is popcorn, but you can help yourself!”  
“Thanks!” Phil sighed to himself. He loved popcorn, really, it was his favorite snack ever, of all time, but he wanted food. Like, real, actual food. His stomach growled again. He could always go out to eat. There was a Chipotle right next to campus, on the way to the house where the party was.   
Actually, Chipotle sounded perfect right now. And, since it was right next to campus, he could invite Dan! Phil sat on the stairs to text Dan. 

To: Dan =)))))  
Hey, I completely forgot to eat food today (oooops ^-^) and I’m going to walk to Chipotle, it’s literally on the way to my friends place. Join me?

“Are you going to eat my popcorn or not?” Louise pushed past Phil on her way to the kitchen.  
“Nope. I’m going to go to Chipotle, it’s on the way.”  
“What happened to cooking this year?”   
“I will! As soon as I get the time to get grocery’s!” The Gallery had made a promise to each other at the end of last semester to try and cook more after realizing how much they had spent on take out. But cooking was hard, and Phil just didn’t like the whole fire and hot burning things part of it. Louise just rolled her eyes at him before going downstairs. 

From: Dan =)))))  
sure! I haven’t eaten much either tbh

Phil jumped to his feet, jamming his feet into a pair of red high top converse and rushing into the living room, trying to text and walk at the same time. He grabbed his jacket from one of the beanbags, where he had left it the other night.   
“Where are you off to?” Louise shouted from the kitchen.  
“Chipotle!” Phil shrugged his jacket on, crossing to the door. “And then I’m going to the party.”  
“Have fun! Use protection!” Louise shouted as Phil ducked out the front door, rolling his eyes and choosing not to answer. 

To: Dan =)))))  
YAY! I’ll walk over to Wellington and text you when I get there?

For a moment, Phil stalled on his front stoop, waiting for conformation from Dan.

From: Dan =)))))  
sounds good! 

With a giant grin on his face, Phil power walked through his neighborhood. His hands were tucked in the pockets of his jacket and he was humming the melody from a Panic at the Disco song in a cheery endless loop. He couldn’t remember the name of the song, but that didn’t seem to matter as he bounced happily on his way. He hadn’t been this excited to go to a house party since pretty much freshman year, and now he was much more excited about the people (or really person) he was going with and not so much excited about the prospect of free booze.   
He had to stop at the intersection next to campus, tapping his foot and waiting to cross. 

Soon Phil was standing in front of Wellington.

To: Dan =)))))  
Hey! I’m outside the main doors ^-^

Phil leaned up against the sign for the dorm, appreciating the gentle night breeze. He opened his eyes when he heard the door open, and when he saw Dan he really couldn’t help staring. Especially considering how tight Dan’s jeans were.   
“Ready to go?” Phil asked. Dan smiled and nodded, and the two of them turned to leave, walking so close that their arms brushed against each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much for reading!!! Comment and let me know what your favorite piece of dialogue was!


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost done with one summer job thank GOD it needs to be over.  
> thinking about writing more stuff, mostly starting a one-shots collection. ignore the rambling author =P

(Dan’s POV)

The walk to Chipotle consisted mostly of Dan with his hands stuffed in his pockets, smiling very small smiles and letting Phil talk. Phil talked with so much enthusiasm, jumping from topic to topic without any discernable train of though, his hands flapping through the air in front of him with bouts of energy.   
“Sorry, god I’ve been talking non stop!” Phil spoke when they stopped at a crosswalk. Dan could see a collection of stores across the road, including a GameStop and some obscure café. “Louise and Chris usually throw something at me when I don’t shut up.”   
“I don’t mind. I don’t talk much.” Dan shrugged, following Phil across the street.  
“Well then we’re a perfect match! Because obviously, I talk too much.” Phil flashed Dan a sideways grin before gentle placing a hand on the small of his back to steer him towards the door. Dan’s face was absolutely not the shade of a radish, no he definitely kept his dignity. The two boys fell into line, standing in comfortable silence.   
“What can I get for you today?” The girl behind the counter asked. “Oh, hi Phil!”  
“Hey Zoe.” Phil smiled warmly at the small girl. Dan felt a weird spike of discomfort in his stomach; Zoe was beautiful. But Dan wasn’t jealous, not even a little bit, because that would be ridiculous. “Are you not going to the party tonight?”  
“Oh, trust me, I wouldn’t miss the freshman party for anything. My shift ends in twenty minutes.” Phil grinned at her and ordered, Dan shyly ordering from the stone faced blond girl next to Zoe. Shuffling his feet, Dan waited behind Phil, pulling his wallet from his back pocket.  
“Alright Philip, is that all?”  
“Yea, just mine and Dan’s, and two drinks, or well, hey Dan, you want a drink right?”   
“Uh, s-sure, you d-don’t have to-”  
“Two drinks it is! I dragged you here, my treat.” Phil spoke aside to Dan, pushing two drink cups into his hands. “Can you get me lemonade? I’ll grab seats!” And with that, Phil gave Dan another sideways smile before turning back to pay and grab their food. Dan crossed to the soda machines, his face burning. Was this a date? It felt like a date, Phil paid for him, does that make it a date? As Dan filled the cups with ice somewhere in the back of his head he couldn’t help thinking that Phil was just being nice, of course he was just being nice. Dan was a lonely and sad freshman, Phil was just being nice, that was all. Just being nice. Dan wasn’t even date-able, he was jittery and nervous all the time and he had a stutter for fucks sake, he was astounded that Cat had ever put up with him, he wasn’t surprised that Doug—  
Before Dan’s train of thought went down that horrible path, he was saved by a buzz in his back pocket. Dan carefully moved to the side and placed the full cups on the counter, making sure nothing was going to fall before checking his phone. If he somehow managed to make a mess now he might die from embarrassment.

From: Peej  
oh my god this quad party is so boring save me

To: Peej  
I thought you weren’t going to go?

From: Peej  
Tyler doesn’t take no thanks as a answer apparently

From: Peej  
seriously dan save me

To: Peej  
I can’t, srry

From: Peej  
but whyyyyyyy

To: Peej  
I’m getting food with phil and then we’re going to the theater party

Dan pocketed his phone and grabbed the drinks, turning to see Phil sitting a booth a few feet away. Dan quickly walked over and sat across from Phil, sliding his drink to him.   
“Thanks!” Phil took the drink, exchanging it for Dan’s food. Dan just smiled back. His phone buzzed again in his pocket, probably PJ, but he decided to ignore it for now. Dan focused on eating his food, his leg jiggling up and down and up and down and his brain half distracted by his bouncing knee. The other half was occupied by a stupid voice in the back of his brain, jabbing that he should have taken his meds, why didn’t he take his meds tonight was going to be a disaster, his mom always told him to take his medicine, cause that’s the only thing that was going to help him, he was pathetic otherwise. Dan’s leg started jumping faster.   
“So,” Phil spoke up, causing Dan to jerk his head up, his mouth full of quesadilla, to meet Phil’s intense gaze. “I’ve talked about myself more than enough, what about you?” Dan swallowed the quesadilla nervously, having no idea what to say.  
“Uh…”  
“Would you rather have nipples for eyes or eyes for nipples?” Phil asked with a straight face.   
“I… what?”  
“Nipples for eyes or eyes for nipples?” Phil couldn’t seem to keep his serious face, eyes crinkling with the beginnings of a smile. “This is a very serious question Dan.” Phil grinned, his tongue peeking out of his teeth. Dan covered his mouth with his hand to hide an involuntary giggle.  
“Uh, I don’t…. eyes for nipples?” Dan said. Neither of the options sounded very good to him to be perfectly honest.   
“Yea, me too, that’s probably the least scarring option.”  
“They’re both horrifying!”  
“Well that’s the point! It’s a would you rather question, like…” Phil stopped to try and think of another question, his whole forehead creasing with concentration. “Would you rather have screaming nipples-”  
“Are all your questions about nipples?”   
“Or a tongue that constantly interrupts you?” Phil finished talking. Dan just rolled his eyes and shook his head.  
“That’s fucked up.”   
“Aha!” Phil nearly shouted, triumphant grin stretching across his face. Dan froze, glancing around the restaurant and desperately hoping that no one was staring at them. Had he done or said something wrong? But Phil just pointed to Dan’s shirt. “Finally you live up to your wardrobe.” Phil grinned mischievously, eyes bright. Dan smiled back at him, blushing again. He really, really needed to control the blushing. He dropping his eye to his shirt, remembering when Cat had given it to him. She had always wanted him to censor himself less.   
“It was a gift from one of my best friends from home.”  
“Really? What are they like?”  
“Wonderful.” Dan smiled softly. He missed Cat so much. “She took a gap year, so.” Dan shrugged and took another bite of food.  
“You miss her?” Phil asked, his voice suddenly softer. Dan looked up to see Phil’s eyes searching his face gently, almost with worry.  
“Y-yea, I do. But, I can call her anytime, and she promised to visit…”   
“Hey Phil!” Zoe appeared at Phil shoulder, still in her uniform, now with her hat on backwards. “I’ll see you there tonight, yea?” She leaned on the top of the booth, her long ponytail brushing Phil’s shoulder. Dan ducked his head, trying to just focus on eating, his leg starting to bounce again. Dan carefully rubbed a hand over his shaved sides, once and then twice.   
“Of course you’ll see me!”  
“And you…oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t catch you name!” Dan glanced up when Zoe suddenly turned her attention to him, his speech getting stuck in his throat.  
“This is Dan, he’s a freshman.” Phil supplied helpfully. Zoe stuck her hand out to Dan.  
“Nice to meet you! I’m Zoe, I’m not a major, but I’m a minor who practically does all the work of a major, I just don’t have to take all the required classes.” She said with a bright smile.   
“N-nice to meet you.” Dan spoke softly, shaking Zoe’s small hand. She flashed him another sweet smile before leaving, calling see you later to Phil as she left.   
“Zoe does make-up for all the main stage shows, she’s basically a wizard.” Phil spoke. “It’s amazing what she can do with what’s really just paint.” Dan nodded, listening quietly as Phil described how Zoe made Chris into a Tin Man for last Years Wizard of Oz. “Literally, she is so amazing!” Phil flung his hands up in the air.   
“She seems really nice.”   
“She is! Also her and Alfie are literally the cutest couple ever, they make me want to vomit sometimes.” Phil rambled on, smiling to himself. Oh. Dan suddenly felt very, very stupid, his face flushing pink. Phil continued to talk, spiraling down through stories that reminded him of more stories about all of the people Dan would in theory be meeting tonight. By the time Dan had finished his food, Phil had started talking about a kid named Troye.  
“He’s literally one of the coolest guys ever, and he has the voice of an angel. I would bet two semesters of tuition that he’s going to be famous some day!” Phil said. Dan tucked his hands into his lap, smiling and listening. There was a buzz, and Phil pulled out his phone. “Speak of the devil! Oh, wow, it’s almost 11.” Dan blinked in disbelief, pulling his own phone out to see that Phil was right. Also, PJ hadn’t stopped texting him.

 

From: Peej  
TELL PHIL I SAID HI

From: Peej  
also I just texted Chris and I am def meeting you there

From: Peej   
hurry up Chris dragged me here early and he disappeared

From: Peej  
Dan plz

“You ready to go?” Phil asked.   
“Yea…”

To: Peej  
we’re headed over now

The two stood, Phil insisting on taking Dan’s tray for him, leaving Dan to hover and blush.   
“Shall we?” Phil held the door open for Dan, who tried to speed walk through the door but somehow his feet got all tangled up and he went flying, stopped abruptly when Phil caught his arm and helped him to stand back up. “You okay?” Dan looked up at Phil, his mouth falling open but no sound coming out, the warm weight of Phil’s hands on his shoulders somehow stopping his tongue from working. “C’mon,” Phil ruffled Dan’s hair before turning to walk away. Dan snapped his mouth shut, jogging a few steps to catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so short.  
> thank you so , so much for reading, please comment and let me know what you think!


	15. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: alcohol and drug mention in this chapter

(Dan’s POV)

The house was already full of people. Dan could make out silhouettes on the porch; people moving and shuffling around each other, in terrifyingly close quarters. Most of the windows were blocked with curtains, colored lights peeking through the cracks and spilling onto the street. Dan lifted a hand once and twice and again and again, finger nails scraping his scalp. Maybe this was a terrible idea?   
“Hey, we don’t have to go in, yea? If you’re too nervous about it, I can introduce you to people later.” Phil spoke gently, nudging Dan with his shoulder.  
“No, no I… I want to, really. Just…” Dan bit his lip, felling his stomach constrict and not in a good way. “Just, s-stay close?” He muttered. There was no fucking way he was turning back now; Dan may or may not be terrified and fully prepared to run away as fast as he can, but he was also stubborn as fuck and Dan had committed to this dammit. So he wasn’t backing out now. Phil just smiled softly and offered Dan his arm. Dan tucked his hand into the crook of Phil’s elbow, clinging on tightly as the two of them walked up the porch steps. They were about two steps into the crowd of people when someone spotted them.   
“PHIL!” Chris seemed to appear out of nowhere, launching himself at Phil, who gave him a one armed hug. Dan shrunk closer to Phil, his stomach and heart doing flips.   
“Hey Chris!”  
“And Dan!” Chris gave Dan an enthusiastic hug and very wet kiss on the cheek and before Dan could stammer out a hello Chris had disappeared into the crowd.   
“C’mon,” Phil spoke, his mouth nearly brushing Dan’s ear. “Let’s head inside for a minute so I can say hi to everyone.” Dan nodded, clutching on tighter to Phil’s arm as he lead them to the door. Inside, everything was so compressed and so much louder. People were pressing in from all sides and for a moment Dan felt Phil’s arm begin to slip. Panicking, Dan reached out and grabbed Phil’s shirt, just desperate not to lose him. Phil looked down at Dan with a reassuring smile, slinging and arm around Dan shoulders. In his peripheral vision Dan could see swirls of color across Phil’s arms, and it was oddly comforting.  
“Drink?” Phil jerked his head towards the huge clear plastic bin on that counter that appeared to be full of a reddish liquid. Dan nodded. If he was going to attend a college party, he was going to at least try his best to do it correctly. Because he was a stubborn fucker. Maybe if he got all his partying out of the way in one experience he could talk his way out of any other parties. Either way, the part of Dan that argued that booze would calm his nerves won as Phil handed him a red cup. Dan lifted it to his mouth, taking a huge gulp. It tasted like sour punch, not good, but not awful. Phil looped his arm around Dan’s waist, mouthing something Dan couldn’t make out before pulling both of them into the next room.  
Clutching his cup in one hand and a fistful of Phil’s very soft shirt in the other, Dan let Phil lead him through the crowed house. Everything felt dizzy and floating, it felt just like every movie he had ever seen, the bass in his sternum and a fuzzy feeling behind his eyes. It was surreal, and it almost made Dan get it. Everyone here looked like they felt lighter, none of them seemed to care about their various states of undress or how much they stumbled; no one of them seemed to feel the weight of other people’s eyes on them.   
Something twisted inside of Dan and he thought that he wanted to be that way, that uncaring, that free.   
Phil tugged Dan into a little side room, and they both fell onto a couch next to a boy with a mop of curly brown hair.  
“Hey Troye!” Phil gave the boy a one armed hug.  
“Hey! So glad you made it.”  
“Yea me too!” Phil replied. The two of them fell into talking, leaving Dan to sip his drink and watch everyone else in the room. There was a half-eaten loaf of banana bread on the coffee table in front of them, and a bed tucked up in the corner. To Dan’s right there were a few beanbags and a door that led to the backyard where, if Dan squinted, he could see people surrounding a table. There were a few small groups of people tucked against each other, talking and drinking and laughing, louder over the loud music that echoed from the other room. Dan caught Skyler’s eye; she was standing next to the bed, leaning on a very drunk looking Liam. He gave her a small smile and a wave before looking away. Across the ceiling, someone had plastered posters of album covers ranging from Dark Side of the Moon and The Wall to American Idiot and The Black Parade.   
Dan hadn’t even finished his first drink and he already felt hazier than normal, felt like his headspace wasn’t what it had been.   
“Hey,” Dan’s gaze dropped from the ceiling, looking to Phil. “You doing okay?” Phil asked. Dan just nodded, leaning closer into Phil’s side. Phil was warm and had weight like the theory of gravity, like a bowling ball in the middle of a huge sheet… “Dan?”  
“Huh?”  
“This is Troye.” Phil leaned back so Dan could smile at Troye, who waved back with delicate hands.  
“You paint your nails too?” Dan blurted before he could stop his tongue, eyes caught on Troye’s bright blue nails. Troye wriggled his fingers, in response, grinning side wide that his eyes scrunched up.   
“Hey!” Dan turned at the voice, seeing Zoe, now in a dark red crop top and black skirt, standing in the doorway like a picture of exactly how out of Dan’s league everyone was. She had re-done her make-up and looked so incredibly put together that Dan didn’t know whether he was a little bit jealous or just really into her whole aesthetic. Zoe leaned down to give Phil a hug, nearly falling on top of him. “Have you seen Tyler?” Zoe shouted into Phil’s ear, and he shook his head.  
“Tyler, like my RA Tyler?” Dan asked, and Zoe grinned and rolled her eyes, flipping her loosely curled hair over her shoulder.   
“Yea, he said he was going to be here and I didn’t get to see him at all this summer!” Zoe sighed and took a drink from the Mason jar in her hand- it was the kind you would see on Etsy or buy at Target with a handle and a top and a straw and it somehow made her outfit complete and Dan half cursed himself for not thinking more about what he was wearing.   
Zoe turned to wander back into the main room, just as PJ appeared in the doorway, a cup clutched in his hand. As soon as PJ saw Dan and Phil, he hurried to the couch, promptly sitting nearly on top of Dan, squishing Dan even further into Phil’s side.   
“Hey Dan!” PJ slung his arm around his friend’s shoulders. “Glad you’re here! That quad bullshit was so fucking boring.” Dan found himself grinning at PJ as he listened to the green-eyed boy ramble.   
“Finished already?” Phil’s voice was very close to Dan’s ear. Dan glanced to Phil, suddenly seeing only bright blue eyes. Dan looked quickly back to the cup in his hands, which was somehow empty. Huh.   
“Here, trade me!” PJ swapped cups with Dan, standing. “I need to go back to the kitchen anyways!” and he was gone. Dan leaned back into Phil, everything feeling so warm as he continued drinking because really the more he drank the better it tasted and Peej had handed him a full cup so he obviously needed to drink it before he spilled it everywhere.  
“Hey, slow down a bit.” Phil snagged the cup from Dan, taking a swig before handing it back.   
“PHILIP LESTER.” a body landed on top of Phil, nearly knocking both Dan and Troye off the couch.   
“Nice to see you too Tyler.” Phil slipped his arm out from behind Dan to steady the boy now sitting on his lap. Dan edged away, suddenly feeling very awkward with his RA sitting next to him.  
“AND TROYE!” Tyler flopped over, his feet just missing Dan’s cup. Troye blushed and incredible shade of red, looking down at the head of lilac now in his lap. Phil’s arm slid back over Dan’s shoulder, and Dan could feel hot breath against his ear.  
“Having fun still?” Phil asked. Dan just nodded, drinking mostly cause he needed to do something and also Phil’s mouth by his ear made him feel jumpy. Suddenly Tyler sat up, seeing Dan.  
“Oh my god, Dan, right?” Dan just nodded. “I didn’t know you where a theater kid!”  
“He’s pre law, I just brought him along.” Phil interjected, the hand resting on Dan’s shoulder giving a gentle squeeze.   
“Oh, law, how bo-ring!” Tyler sang the last word. “You should at least pick up a fun minor.”  
“Uh, well…” Dan glanced down at the cup in his hands, suddenly very aware that he was talking to his RA with alcohol in his hands.  
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to get you in trouble. Promise!” And with that, Tyler gave Dan a very flirtatious wink, pushed himself off of Phil’s lap, and grabbed Troye. The two of them disappeared, Dan smiling at Troye’s flushed face and wide eyes. The glass door slid open, a gust of cool air rushing into the house, carrying a weird smell with it. Dan wrinkled his nose; it smelled like a skunk. A few people came inside, one stopping to say hi to Phil, clapping him on the shoulder.   
“I’m Alfie! Welcome to my home.” the boy extended a hand across Phil. Dan shook it, smiling at the scruffy brunet. After shaking his hand, Alfie snatched up a piece of the banana bread someone had abandoned on the coffee table. “Help yourself!” Alfie shouted, standing. “Casper made it, so the batch is super strong!” and then Alfie too was gone. Dan looked at Phil in confusion, but the older boy just shook his head.  
“Don’t worry about it. Alfie’s a performance major, he’s going to be a senior.” Dan nodded, drinking again from his cup. Somehow he was close to the end of it again and it must be strong stuff, stronger than the wine he and Cat had snuck from her parents the last time he stayed at her place overnight and after meeting Alfie the night got a little mushed together, but Dan didn’t mind because in every piece he kept, Phil was there, not just out of the corner of his eye but physically there Phil with his arm around Dan’s shoulders Dan’s waist Phil taking the cup from Dan’s hands but it was okay because Dan was warm enough Phil taking Dan’s hands in his and pulling Dan flush against him when they pushed through the dancing crowd, Phil pulling Dan with gentle hands out onto the cold porch that smelled almost like skunk.  
“Hey, Phil,” a girl with Ariel red hair offered Phil a glass turtle with embers in it’s belly and Dan blinked at the glass piece, suddenly the scent clicking but Phil shook his head and their hands were still laced together and Dan wondered if he had to go back to his dorm tonight.  
“Only if you want to.” Phil spoke softly and oh Dan had said that out loud? They were walking down the roadside, hand in and Dan knew or felt like it was cold outside but he wasn’t somehow.   
“Do I have to?”  
“Nah,” Phil squeezed Dan’s hand. “The Gallery has a very comfy couch if you would like it.” Dan let Phil pull him across an empty road, a frown tugging on his face.  
“I’m not sleepy, I wanna, you know what would be fun?” Dan’s brain lurched, both his hands finding one of Phil’s and gripping it tightly. “We should play video games, or, or…”  
“Well let’s get home first yea? And get you some water.” Phil spoke, and Dan wondered why he needed water he wasn’t thirsty but Phil didn’t let go of his hand and Phil had a smile on his face so everything was okay.   
“But Phiiiiiiiiiiil.” Dan leaned further into Phil, practically letting the older by drag him down the street. “I’m not thirsty!” Phil didn’t reply, he just pulled Dan up the steps of the porch, stopping to fumble with his keys as Dan leaned on the railing, his eyes on the way the amber lights made Phil’s black hair look warm and Phil’s arm look soft. Dan absent-mindedly reached a hand out to touch the skin of Phil’s arm, fingers skating over the geometric lines across his bicep.   
“You like my tattoos?” Phil had finally gotten the right key in the lock, but he stood still, Dan’s fingers still tracing the patterns on his arm.  
“Uhu.” Dan’s fingers wound around the spiral above Phil’s elbow, stepping closer and squinting to try and find where it began and where it ended. “They’re nice, like… art. But warmer, cause, you know, it’s skin and…” Dan was sure that he was going somewhere with this, it totally made sense, Dan just couldn’t get the words right his dumb fucking tongue. “Art but better, because, art is stuck on a thing but people are more than things, they’re living and…” Dan stopped his fingers, frowning. Why couldn’t he get his moth to make sense?  
“Living art yea, I think… people can be art, or whatever, so do what you want with your body.” Phil reached up to brush Dan’s hair from his face. “Self expression is important.” And when Dan finally made eye contact, one of his hands still gripping Phil’s arm, for a moment he wondered why his heart wasn’t skipping beats and how his lungs were functioning cause it felt like a movie standing on the porch under warm amber lights and those kind, kind blue eyes but Dan just felt relaxed and so still for the first time in forever. A gust of wind rushed past Dan, making him shiver.  
“Here, let’s get inside, yea?” Phil spoke softly, tucking Dan under his arm and leading him into the warm house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: can you tell yet that i miss uni? comment and let me know what you think! <3


	16. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi yes i am alive  
> moving in at college and having work all day/night is a time suck
> 
> yes, this is p much no new content, sorry
> 
> check out my other story, Border Lines, i'm really proud of it!

(Phil’s POV)

Was offering Dan his arm a desperately cheesy way to get Dan closer to him? Absolutely, but Phil was never going to admit that to anyone. The party was the usual amount of crowded, people huddled on the porch and the house hot and packed but not too terribly. Dan looked mostly terrified, and Phil wanted to offer to leave, but the freshman had this determined glint in his eyes, like not even stampeding animals could stop him from his first college party.   
First order of business was to find Troye.

To: Troyeee  
here where are you?

From: Troyeee  
side room  
hurry up alf made banana bread and ppl are smoking outside  
also I haven’t seen tyler  
im alone save me

To: Troyee  
on my waaaaaaay

After an enthusiastic greet from a tipsy and affectionate Chris, Dan let Phil lead him into the house. Phil hesitated in the kitchen, wondering if Dan wanted something to drink. He looked so small, his head half ducked and eyes darting around at all the people.   
“Drink?” Phil offered to Dan, who nodded. Phil pushed past a group of people who he vaguely recognized to get to the jungle juice, which was a suspicious red color. He filled up a cup for Dan, but only half way because who knew what his alcohol tolerance was like, and handed it to the boy hovering behind him. Not trying to get him drunk, Phil reasoned with himself as Dan held onto him tightly, just want him to be comfortable and have fun. Because he still looked kinda terrified. But, a little less so when Phil wrapped his arm around the younger’s shoulder to lead him through the next room.  
Luckily they only had to push through one room of tightly packed people to get to the side room, which was typically used as a smoking room, but tonight there was a tight-knit group in the backyard instead, thankfully, because Phil didn’t know how Dan felt about weed or smoking in general. The room was also usually significantly less crowded and less hot. Phil spotted Troye sitting on the couch, face already flushed with the heat and the alcohol.   
“Hey Troye!” Phil flopped onto the couch, pulling Dan to sit next to him.  
“Hey! So glad you made it.” Troye smiled at Phil, returning the side-ways hug.   
“Yea, me too!” Phil felt Dan’s weight settle back into the couch, and out of the corner of his eye Phil watched him quietly sip his drink and look around the room.   
“I can’t fucking believe Alfie made me do a liquor run with him. I don’t even live here—“  
“But your brother does.” Phil supplied, slinging an arm around Dan in a totally casual way. Troye just rolled his eyes.  
“Yea, and where is he now?”  
“Outside playing beer pong.”  
“Outside playing beer pong.” Troye muttered into the rim of his cup before taking another drink. “Speaking of me running stupid errands, the juice is good tonight, why aren’t you having some? I’m insulted Phil.”  
“I’m not drinking tonight, I’m here with….” Phil turned to nudge Dan, who had his head bent back and was staring up at the ceiling. It was covered in album art, which Phil knew for a fact took several days, two ladders and one nearly broken arm to hang. Phil’s eyes dragged over the curve of Dan’s throat and the soft look in his eyes before he shook himself. “Hey.” Dan’s looked at Phil, and Jesus, could his eyes be any prettier? “You doing okay?” Phil asked, his fingertips brushing Dan’s shoulder. Dan just nodded, a smile tipping the corners of his mouth, and then leaned further into Phil, pressing his shoulder into Phil’s rib. Phil’s heart warmed at the friendly touch, and Dan looked more relaxed. Phil made a mental note to ask Troye what the actual hell they put in the juice later. “Hello? Dan.”  
“Huh?” Dan’s eyes flicked up. Oh, yes thank you Troye for ensuring that there would be no sober freshman by 1AM. Phil would bet his student loans that before midnight someone would be puking in the backyard.  
“This is Troye,” Phil leaned back into the couch, letting Troye and Dan greet each other. Phil’s eyes darted around the room for a moment, barely registering Dan and Troye talking. There were too many people he didn’t recognize; Phil felt old.   
“Hey!” a familiar voice shouted from the doorway, and Phil looked to see Zoe standing in the doorway, looking drop dead gorgeous as usual, everything perfectly coordinated from her black heels to the way her dark lipstick matched the cup clutched in her hand. Zoe quickly made her way through the room, pushing past a group of giggling sophomores to lean across Dan so she could speak in Phil’s ear. “Have you seen Tyler?” Zoe asked me, and I shook my head. Tyler was supposed to be an RA this year, Dan’s RA in fact, so Phil doubted they would see him around much, but what did Phil know? Tyler had never missed a party in the last three years so far.   
“Tyler, like my RA Tyler?” Dan spoke up, his forehead wrinkling up. Zoe leaned back a bit to smile at Dan.  
“Yea, he said he was going to be here and I didn’t get to see him all summer!” with a dramatic sigh Zoe took a drink and pouted; her and Tyler were quite the team, the moment they were together everyone in the vicinity would laugh until they cried. Phil hadn’t seen much of Tyler either, but he was sure the senior would show up eventually, as he always did when there was a party. Phil just shrugged at Zoe, who then turned and left the room in search of her friend. Phil glanced back over to Troye, who was signing under his breath and scrolling through his phone.   
“Hey Dan!” Phil turned to see PJ dropping down onto the couch next to Dan, wearing jeans and a hoodie over his Radiohead t-shirt. Phil quickly slid over to give PJ more room since he was practically siting on Dan’s lap. This couch was made for maybe three people, four if you were determined. “Glad you’re here!” Peej huffed. “That quad bullshit was so fucking boring. If I have to play another game of ultimate Frisbee I might go insane.” PJ groaned, running a hand through his already fluffy hair. Phil relaxed back into the couch for a moment, watching Dan smile softly as Peej talked on and on about how stupid freshman orientation stuff was. He glanced into the now pretty much empty cup in Dan’s hand.  
“Finished already?” he spoke into Dan’s ear. The boy turned around with a soft smile before Peej got his attention again, reaching to snatch the empty cup and replace it with his full one.   
“Here, trade me!” PJ stood, now holding Dan’s empty cup. “I need to go to the kitchen anyways!” Probably to find Chris. Once PJ was gone, Dan gave a little happy sigh and leaned back against Phil, raising the cup to his lips to continue drinking.  
“Hey,” Phil reached over to snag Dan’s cup. “Slow down a bit.” Phil took a swing from Dan’s cup, wrinkling his nose at the sour taste. There was just enough sugary punch to mask the initial burn of what was probably a fuckton of vodka. Phil gave the cup back to Dan, shoving back the blurred bits and pieces of blackout memories that he didn’t really want to relive. Ever.   
“PHILIP LESTER.” Tyler launched himself onto Phil’s lap, uncontrollable giggles spilling from his mouth. He already smelled like tequila shots. Phil unwound his arm from Dan to steady Tyler, who was precariously perched on his lap.  
“Nice to see you too Tyler.” Phil said, his mouth twitching up into a smile when he met Tyler’s hazy gaze. Tyler reached up to fluff Phil’s hair, his hands smelling like limes before he spotted Troye sitting to Phil’s left.   
“AND TROYE!” Tyler flopped himself over, his head going to Troye’s lap and his feet nearly kicking Dan in the face. Dan pressed himself back into the couch, holding his cup carefully and looking down at Tyler with wide eyes.   
“Having fun still?” Phil checked in with Dan, leaning to speak into his ear. Dan nodded, taking another drink from his cup, his Adam’s apple bobbing in a terribly distracting way.   
“Oh my god,” Tyler shot back up, now sitting on Phil’s lap with an arm slung around his friend’s shoulders. Phil was more than used to flirty drunk Tyler. Flirty Tyler and Giggly Phil had spent a lot of time together freshman year, in and out of dark, packed houses with their arms looped together. Phil and Tyler learned an awful lot about each other that year, the most innocent being that they were great wingman for each other. If Tyler got any sort of indication that Phil thought Dan was cute (and a lot more if Phil was being honest, but yes cute, mostly cute), Phil was not going to hear the end of it. “Dan, right?” Tyler squinted intently at the poor freshman, who just nodded. “I didn’t know you were a theater kid!” Tyler leaned towards Dan, his arm yanking on Phil’s neck. Phil pulled Tyler back up by his waist, draping his other arm around the back of Dan’s shoulders. For support, cause Dan looked like he was being interrogated. Not cause Phil liked being close to him.  
“He’s pre law, I just brought him along.” Phil supplied when Dan looked like he didn’t have an answer.   
“Oh, law, how bo-ring!” Tyler sang the last word and Phil rolled his eyes. Tyler stayed balanced on Phil’s lap, still intensely focused on Dan. “You should at lease pick up a fun minor.”  
“Uh, well…” Dan’s eyes flicked down to the cup in his hands and then back to Tyler, his face flushing pink. He was worried about getting in trouble, Phil realized. Well, if Tyler wanted to get Dan in trouble for a drink or two then Phil absolutely had years worth of photos and videos for blackmail.   
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to get you in trouble. Promise!” and Tyler gave Dan a wink that was probably not appropriate, springing up form Phil’s lap and reaching to grab Troye’s hand. Phil watched as Tyler pulled Troye from the couch, shouting about how the curly haired boy owes him a dance, and Phil could only stretch his arms across the couch and grin at the help me look Troye sent his way before the crowd of people swallowed them up. A moment later, the sliding door opened, and the heavy smell of weed came rushing in with the cool air and the rowdy group of people. Phil could recognize a few of the faces; Zoe’s brother Joe threw him a wink and an eyebrow wiggle when he spotted Phil on the couch with a freshman under his arm. Phil just rolled his eyes, spotting Alfie at the end of the crowd. Alfie saw Phil and crossed to the couch, reaching out to clap Phil on the shoulder.   
“Hey old man!”  
“Hey Alf.” Phil smiled at the younger boy. Alfie’s eyes slid over his face, unfocused and fuzzy. Somewhere in his gut Phil felt a weird tug at the scent emanating from Alfie’s clothes.   
“Who’d you bring with you?”  
“This is Dan,” Phil leaned back, letting Alfie reach a hand out to Dan.   
“I’m Alfie! Welcome to my home!” Dan smiled and nodded, shaking Alfie’s hand. “Help yourself,” Alfie directed at Dan and Phil, gesturing to the banana bread on the coffee table. “Casper made it, so the batch is super strong!” Alfie turned and left he room, and Phil turned to see Dan frowning at the coffee table in confusion.   
“Don’t worry about it.” Phil tightened his arm around Dan’s shoulders. Phil made the executive decision that Dan didn’t need anymore well, anything, in his system tonight. “Alfie’s a performance major, he’s going to be a senior.” Phil continued, Dan nodding and drinking. He was going to finish his second drink soon. “Do you want to head out to the porch, or to another room?” Phil offered, leaning close to Dan as another group of loud people entered the room. Dan shrugged.  
“Whatever.” He dropped his head onto Phil shoulder.   
“C’mon!” Phil jostled Dan’s head off his shoulder pulling the younger boy to his feet. Dan let him, clutching to Phil’s hand tightly, wobbling a bit when he was stood up. “Whoa,” Phil wrapped an arm tight around Dan. “I got you. Maybe it’s time to go home?” Dan just continued to drink, nearly downing the rest of the cup. “I’ll take that.” Phil grabbed the cup, quickly depositing it on the coffee table. “C’mon Daniel.” Phil took his hand and intertwined their fingers together, tugging Dan towards the room where everyone was dancing.   
“I don’t like being called that, only my Mom calls me that.” Dan frowned. Phil tugged Dan close.   
“Stay close, yea?” Dan just blinked up at Phil before smiling and nodding. Phil pulled Dan into the tightly packed room, his eardrums assaulted with the second verse of Drunk In Love, and Phil spotted Zoe standing on the couch, one hand pressed to the ceiling as she chugged what looked like Alfie’s beer. Phil tapped her knee, waiting for her to bend down before he shouted in her ear that was headed out. She gave him a quick hug and promise to get lunch when classes started, and then stood again. Phil felt Dan’s hand tentative on the small of his back. Reaching for the brunette, Phil pulled him as close as possible, tucking the freshman against his side.   
“Just hang on, okay?” Phil leaned down and spoke into Dan’s ear. Dan nodded without looking back, let Phil lead him as they moved through the pulsing crowd. Phil carefully pressed Dan forward, and the two of them pushed through the crowd and into the kitchen, which was so packed. Phil grumbled to himself, glancing down at Dan before pressing forward. He stopped when he felt a hand at his elbow, turning to see Chris who was leaning against the counter with PJ standing very close.  
“You headed out already?” Chris asked.   
“Yea,” Phil tugged Dan out of the way of a gaggle of girls. The way the younger’s fingers pressed into Phil’s T-shirt made his inside practically melt. God, Phil was so absolutely fucked. “Dan’s ready to head out. I’ll see you at home, yea?”   
“Yes dear!” Chris cooed, reaching out to pinch Phil’s cheeks. Phil whacked his hand away, grinning as he turned to go, taking Dan with him, pushing out onto the porch. As soon as Phil opened the creaky door, the smell hit him like a wall. A familiar face greeted him from across the porch, and Phil kept his arm tight around Dan’s waist as Anda approached him, holding out the old glass turtle she had since freshman year. Her hazel eyes sparked at him, lower lip caught between her teeth, but Phil just waved her off and lead Dan to the steps.  
“Hey, text me sometime Phil!” Anda shouted at him, and Phil didn’t spare her a glance, tugging Dan by his hand down the sidewalk.  
“Do I have to go to my dorm?” Dan asked, his eyes turned to the dark sky.  
“Only if you want to.” Dan spun his head around, looking up at Phil as the older boy pulled him down the street. Dan tugged at Phil’s hand, stopping them on the corner and playing with their hands.  
“Do I have to?”  
“Nah.” Phil tightened his grip, stilling Dan’s jumpy fingers. “The Gallery has a very comfy couch if you would like.” Phil waited for Dan to nod before he continued to lead the way home.  
“I’m not sleepy,” Dan piped up from behind him, doing an adorable little step-hop to fall in step beside Phil. “I wanna, you know what would be fun!” Dan reached out to grab one of Phil’s hand with both of his, pulling Phil’s attention to his eager doe eyes. “We should play video games, or, or…”   
“Well,” Phil had to pull Dan to get him to keep walking. “Let’s get you home first yea? And get you some water.”   
“But Phiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil.” Dan trudged along beside Phil, pouting dramatically. This boy could not get any cuter. “I’m not thirsty!” Phil just smiled and tightened his grip. Dan followed happily enough, one hand in Phil’s and the other brushing through his hair, over the shaved side, through the soft curls and back down across the shaved sides.   
Soon, they were walking up the steps to the Gallery, and Phil had to let go of Dan’s hand so he could unlocked the front door. Before he could pull the key from the lock, Phil felt warm fingertips tracing his bicep. Phil didn’t dare to move, as if he was afraid of startling Dan. He just watched the younger boy trace the thin lines wrapped across his arm.  
“You like my tattoos?” Phil asked softly.  
“Uhu.” Dan’s eyes flicked up to Phil’s for a moment before looking back to the black and white patterns. “They’re nice, like… art. But warmer, cause, you know, it’s skin and…” Dan squinted and blinked, his face scrunching up. “Art but better, because, art is stuck on a thing but people are more than things, they’re living and…” Dan trailed off into silence and his fingers stilled, hovering.   
“Living art yea, I think… people can be art, or whatever, so do what you want with your body.” Phil must have been feeling impulsive tonight, or maybe it was just Dan being touchy, but the reason didn’t matter much when Phil carefully raised his hand to brush a few stray of curls out from Dan’s eyes, feeling the other’s hand grip his arm tightly. Dan blinked, lifting his eyes at a painfully slow pace to meet Phil’s gaze. “Self expression is important.” Phil almost whispered, content on watching the fairly lights on the porch sparkle across Dan’s eyes. Kiss him, an oddly quiet, familiar voice barely audible in the back of Phil’s head, kiss him you could kiss him so easily. But Phil knew better, and besides, he couldn’t betray those wide, soft trusting eyes. A cold breeze ran around them, rustling the trees along the road and causing Dan to shiver. “Here,” Phil wrapped and arm around Dan, opening the door. “Let’s get you inside, yea?” And pulled the freshman into the warmth of home.


	17. Chapter 16

(Dan’s POV) 

God, this house was so warm. And the lights were also warm. And Phil, Phil was warm. Also Dan. Dan was warm too, but that was okay, because the kitchen counter was cool. Dan pressed his cheek into the tile, watching a sideways Phil pull a glass from the cupboard and fill it with water.  
“C’mon Dan, drink this. Trust me, it’ll make tomorrow less painful.” Phil handed Dan the glass, steering the younger boy into the living room with a hand on the small of his back.   
“’M not that drunk.” Dan mumbled, sinking into the couch cushions. But he drank the water anyways, realizing just how thirsty he was after the first sip. He practically chugged the full glass. Water was delicious.  
“I’m glad you like it so much.” Phil grinned. “Water is important for your body to function. More?” Dan nodded, pushing the glass into Phil’s hand. While Phil walked back into the kitchen, Dan let himself melt into the cushions, tilting his head back to stare up at the ceiling. He felt so oddly tranquil; he knew it was the alcohol loosening his muscles, he knew all this contentedness was fake, temporary, but he didn’t seem to mind much. Felt nice. Warm. As if on cue, Dan’s phone buzzed. He flopped sideways on the couch so he could pull his phone from his back pocket, his face scrunching up at the caller ID.   
“Here,” Phil appeared next to him, placing the glass of water on the coffee table. “Who’s calling you?”  
“Fucking…” Dan dropped his phone on to the floor, not even flinching at the loud thunk it made.  
“Whoa, careful you don’t want to break your phone.” Phil said, quickly picking the phone up and reading the missed call notification. “Do you want to call him back?” Dan shook his head, reaching up to tug on his hair, digging his nails into his scalp because he can’t have one fucking night with out that asshole… “Hey,” Phil spoke softly, putting the phone down and taking Dan’s hands from his hair. “Don’t do that.” Dan groaned, leaning into the warmth that Phil seemed to radiate.  
“It’s not fair.” He wasn’t whining, nope. Dan was an adult.  
“What’s not fair?”  
“He’s… just not fair.” Dan winced when the phone started vibrating again, louder against the wooden coffee table. After a moment of consideration, Phil declined the call, tucking the phone away in his pocket. Some fuzzy corner of Dan’s mind knew that Doug wouldn’t stop calling, texting, pestering, but… well that sounded like a sober Dan problem. Besides, now Phil was gently running his fingers through his hair, and Dan couldn’t help but lean into it, sighing. “He just won’t stop calling me…”  
“Hm. Sounds like a nuisance.” Phil murmured.  
“Pretty much.” Dan let his eyes flutter shut. It didn’t matter, right now, none of that mattered, because Dan was far away. So, so far away, and that was a good thing. “When I was little I used to run away all the time,” Dan confessed, his eyes falling open to stare at Phil.  
“Really?”  
“Yea. My mom said it was cause I was so sensitive, the littlest thing would…. I never got out of the neighborhood. And I always came back so they… after like the eighth time, they didn’t even come looking for me.” Dan frowned; he didn’t mean for it to sound so sad. “It wasn’t a bad thing. I always came back.” Phil just smiled at him, offering the glass of water. Dan took it, sitting up to drink. Phil sighed, relaxing back into the couch, his head propped up on his hand. Dan’s brain jumbled out a line from Shakespeare something, oh that I were a glove, but he didn’t remember the rest. Balcony scene maybe.   
“I never got around to running away.” Phil mused. “I always threatened to. But, I was always too scared that my parents wouldn’t take me back.”  
“Silly.” Dan muttered around the glass. Phil just stuck his tongue out at him.   
“Yea, I am.” Phil yawned. “You crashing here?” Dan nodded, still clutching the glass of half-drunk water. “Cool, let me get you blankets.” Phil stood, stretching his hands over his head before crossing to the hall closet. Dan chugged the rest of the water, putting it back on the coffee table. He picked up his phone, and silenced it before checking his notification. Five missed calls and two texts from Doug, and a text from Cat.

From: KitKat  
just got off work rip my feet  
you alive?

To: KitKat  
uhu drank and im back at phils crashing on his couch don’t get any ideas night

Dan settled back onto the couch, his phone hovering over the unread texts from Doug. Dan never claimed to make good decisions.

From: Doug  
it’s rude to ignore someone’s calls

From: Doug  
pick up your fucking phone

“Is one blanket enough?” Phil asked, standing behind the couch.   
“Uh, yea. Yea, that’s fine.” Dan locked his phone. He felt sick suddenly.   
“You okay? You don’t look…” Phil trailed off. He had crossed to the front of the couch, and was now standing uncertainly with the blanket in his hands. “Dan?”  
“I hate him.” Dan pressed his hands into his face, squishing everything together, mushing it all up because the room was swimming and he felt like he was going to cry. And he really didn’t want to cry, he just wanted to sleep and he wanted him out of his life.   
“It’s going to be okay.” Phil said with confidence, sitting next Dan. He draped the blanket around the freshman, wrapping him up in a warm hug.   
“You don’t know that.”  
“Course I do. See,” Phil shifted so that they were sitting facing each other. One of Phil’s hands rested on his shoulder, the other reaching to tangle into Dan’s curls. Suddenly everything was very intimate, and Dan didn’t quite know what to do with himself. “I know it’s going to be okay, because it always is. No matter what your life looks like now, I can guarantee you that you will have more good days.” Dan frowned, looking away from Phil’s too earnest eyes, instead staring down at the phone in his lap. “You’re going to be just fine Dan. I promise.” Dan blinked furiously, seriously, why the fuck was he suddenly getting all teary? God, he was pathetic. Phil’s fingers carefully carded through Dan’s hair.  
“’M tired now.”  
“Okay.” Phil gave Dan’s shoulder a quick squeeze before he stood to leave. “I’ll give you a ride to campus whenever you want tomorrow. Thanks for coming to the party with me Dan, it was really fun.” Dan slumped onto the couch, watching Phil’s figure lit only by the soft fairy lights as he crossed up the stairs. Once he was gone, Dan turned to burrow into the cushions, yanking the blanket up to his nose. Dan was going to be fine. He knew on some level that tomorrow he would wake up, absolutely embarrassed and probably hung over, but, well. Sober Dan problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi yes i am alive.   
> life is kicking my ass but thats okay. builds character.  
> thank you for reading <3

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hey friends ^.^ thanks so, so much for reading! Let me know below what you thought. If people really like this story I'll keep writing it!


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